It’s been a while since someone has sent me any questions, and now suddenly I’ve been asked a really hard one! “How do I setup the first kiss with a girl I like?” is a really great question actually, because it’s a very delicate manoeuvre that books and films never really explained to me. I’ve been on both sides of this question, as the person being kissed and as the person trying to kiss! Here’s what I think…
Have you ever been in that situation where you are with a girl you really like, maybe it’s a date or just a long time friend, and you are overcome with feelings of wanting to kiss her? But the right moment never seems to come up, and even if it did, you don’t know if she’ll slap you and run away? There must be little signs right?
The answer is all about the chemistry between you too. You’ve got to have a hold of the surroundings and you’re situation. Also very dependent on the girl you’re with. So this makes it very hard to give you any hard or fast rules. So let’s go over some basics first.
- How long have you known her for? Has she been a long time friend? Is it someone you’ve just met?
- Is it your first date/second date/ third date? Or actually, is it a date at all?
- How long into the date/meeting are you?
- How has she acted towards you before this date/meeting
- How has she been acting so far on this date/meeting?
It’s not so easy to simply answer these questions as they come. That is because they’re all sort of linked together. For instance, if she’s a long time friend then Q4 is fairly important since you guys have a history of sorts.
The most important thing for setting up a first kiss is to establish first: Does she want me to kiss her?
Simple answer? If she’s attracted to you then Yes, she probably wants to kiss you. If she isn’t attracted to you then No, she probably doesn’t want you to kiss her. So how can you tell if she’s attracted to you?
Situation 1: She’s a friend and part of your “group”. You’ve known her for a while and done things as a group. You’ve occasionally just done things just the two of you, small errands or going somewhere you have a mutual interest in. Recently you guys have been doing things just the two of you more often. You’ve kind of fallen for her, and recently you’ve really been wanting to kiss her.
Signs she’s interested in you
- Has she been flirting with you? Things include texting you a lot more than normal, maybe with xs on the end.
- Does she regularly make eye contact or physical contact, example being touching your arm constantly.
- Have you gone on outings just the two of you that may seem like dates, such as going to the movies together?
Any of those things are simple signs that she’s interested in you. If in doubt, how do your friends react to it? Friends know things about each other, so if you’ve talked to them on the subject what do they think?
Signs she’s not interested in you
- She doesn’t text you or message you or talk to you much outside your group of friends
- You don’t really see her much outside your group of friends
- When you suggest doing something, she automatically invites others or assumes others will be coming.
Basically she is coming up with ways to not be alone with you, and she’s not that interesting in keeping in touch. That being said, I myself am very anti-social and am rubbish at texting people.
Situation 2: You’ve recently met her, either from a dating website/app or maybe you asked her out at a bar or something. It’s your first date.
Signs she’s interested in you
- She’s listening to you attentively, laughing at your jokes and agreeing a lot
- You’ve sat close to each other all night and conversation has been going really well
- There’s eye and body contact
- She readily agrees when you suggest more drinks
Basically when I’m interested in a guy I’ve just met, I’ll be listening closely because I want to know more about him. I’ll agree with him on a lot of points because I want him to like me. I’m keen to make the date last longer.
Signs she’s not interested in you
- She keeps checking her phone
- She doesn’t seem to be paying attention
- She choses to sit further away than socially normal, and makes no effort to get closer/ touch you
- She declines more drinks or says she’s not really got the time
“She’s interested in me. Now what do I do?”
The easiest way to find out if it’s the “right time” and if she’s comfortable with you is to make body contact. If you are sitting next to her then place a hand on her knee. If she’s ok with this, make the touch more intimate by rubbing your thumb mildly on her knee. If you’re feeling confident then play your hand further up (but not to high!) If she’s ok, smiles and seems comfortable with this then I’d say she’s interested in you. Start to change the topic slightly. Tell her you’re enjoying the time spent together, that you actually really like her. If doesn’t responder after three seconds, then go for it.
If she seems uncomfortable by the touch though, somehow on edge or it looks like she’s put her guard up then take your hand off, and instead lean back into a very relaxed position. This takes away your distance from her, but also makes it look like you’re relaxed and that it was no big deal.
If you guys are walking, and for some reason you really want to kiss her, then try taking her hand. Again, this will give you a response on if she’s comfortable with you or not. Body contact really is the easiest way to tell.
But what about the actual kiss??
For a first kiss, I’d say kiss her ever so lightly on the lips first. No tongue. Barely a kiss. If she doesn’t move away, press forward slowly, and give her a firmer kiss. Your hands shouldn’t be on her at this point. If you can do it smoothly then make it appear to simply be one kiss. Then pull back, not too far though. Pull back enough so you can see her, look into her eyes. Has she liked it? If you think yes, then go in again with a firmer kiss, and depending on how she responds then it’s also ok to use your tongue. You should put your hands on her at this point, either place them around her waist, or one hand behind her head. No where too intimate like grabbing her breasts. At this point however it’s really up to you to judge.