I’m a big fan of spanking. I think it’s naughty and thrilling, the very edge of the big forest that is BDSM. I’ve noticed recently with my trip to Madrid that I’m not exactly good at it. So how do you spank? I’ve read up and here’s my quick and easy summery for beginners. 

If you have never spanked before, then there’s a couple of things you should know.

  1. The bum is full of nerve endings. That’s why it feels so good to be spanked.
  2. The areas around the bum is also full of nerve endings and you should be careful where exactly you spank.
  3. There are levels of spanking that cover how you spank and also where you spank, and that depends entirely on how confident you are in your own spanking abilities.
  4. Sex toys are fantastic if you want to get into spanking, but also buy lotion – after care is the key to a great spanking session.

So let’s start. You and your partner have decided that you want to give spanking a go. Neither of you have any real experiences, except the occasional slap on the bum during sex. You feel a little silly as your partner lies across your lap on the bed and you sit there worried that your legs might fall asleep. This position is actually great for beginners as it gives good head support for the spankee and both participants generally feel more relaxed. Other good positions  that are popular for beginners include having the spankee standing in front of the spanker. Finally you can have the spanker sitting in a seat and the spankee draped over them – my suggestion is having a pillow under them for the extra support.

If you are doing the spanking then before spanking anyone you should try it on yourself. There should be a lot of trust between two people who decide they want to really give spanking a go, and it’s important that the spanker knows how it feels. You can test out the amount of strength you put into the spank and you can also test out which areas feel nicer.

A good spanking stars way before your hand or a paddle touches your partner’s bum. Like sex, there should be a lot of foreplay. One of the parts of spanking that draws people in, is the idea of submission and dominance between partners. You can use roleplay and other methods to amp up the anticipation of the spanking.

For instance, before your session you can tell the spankee to make themselves ready. This could be by having a bath and making themselves beautiful. You can ask the spankee to wear something provocative, maybe a naughty school girl outfit or simply stockings and suspenders. You can them command them to show themselves in front of you, slowly turning around to let you throughly ravish them with your eyes.

A popular roleplay in spanking is the idea of punishment. You can set rules, such as the duration of the spanking session or the number of spanks based on things they should be punished for. This can be as light hearted or as intense as you like. An example would be saying “I don’t want you to make any noise, if you do, I’ll add another spank to your count.” or “Depending on how nice you look, I’ll decide how long the session will be for.”

So before you start the spanking, it’s always good to warm up your partner. This could be in the form of a massage, caressing their bum cheeks or going down and giving light kisses. You can even give light, teasing taps. Try dirty talking, which will help with the anticipation. You can describe to your partner how bad they’ve been and why and how you’re going to spank them. Give their bum a little squeeze, and generally just take your time before you actually spank them.

The general rules for areas is that you should never spank the back of the knees, the tailbone or the spine. These are no-go areas. The upper thigh can be very sensitive and is popular occasionally with the more experienced spankers. The groin area is high sensitive and should only be touched by experienced spankers with the consent of the spankee.

There is a special sweet spot for spanking. That’s the lower bum area, closer to the thighs. It’s been said that spanking here has the highest chance of initiating an orgasm. Communication is key here though. I’ve met women who have preferred to be spanked higher up, closer to their lower back, and women who have enjoyed being spanked squarely in the centre of each butt cheek.

With your hand, it’s good to slightly cup your fingers. This is a good way of spanking, it makes a loud noise but isn’t too strong. You can use a flat palm for a more stinging spank, but only use those if you don’t think your partner is responding straight away, and only to give them a bit of a jolt. Continuous stinging spanks can be painful overall.

When spanking you should use a slow tempo. There’s no need to go fast. You want your partner to anticipate their next spank, which is why you should make sure it’s not so predictable. It’s easy to get into a good rhythm and you should observe our partner to see how they react, and time when is best to land the next spank. Some couples like to continue this until the spankee orgasms, but some like to do it until they’re both super aroused and then move onto sex.

Finally, a lot of beginners overlook the aftercare of a spanking session. Your partner’s bum is probably now red and sensitive. Body lotion is great to help sooth the bum. Aloe Vera also has a fantastic cooling affect that is great for post spank sessions. I’ve heard some people use ice but I don’t think that’s a great idea. Be careful with sensitive skin as certain lotions may cause burning sensations instead of cooling ones.