What exactly is rough sex and how exactly do we go about doing it? I’ve decided to make a newbies guide to rough sex, which explains everything from spanking to asphyxiation to dirty talk. I also did a survey to find out what experience people have with rough sex. The survey provided some interesting results. Click here to see them or go to the bottom of the article.

Rough sex is sex that involves a more brute force, and often elements of pain. It can be quite kinky, or simply a hard and fast experience. It might not be something you do everyday, however most people enjoy experiencing it occasionally.

I did a survey about rough sex to support this guide to rough sex and found that 12 percent of people want to try rough sex but are afraid to tell their partner. Wanting to try rough sex is also very normal, so no need to feel embarrassed about bringing it up.

If you are interested in trying out rough sex, it’s important to talk it out, and figure out what you’d both like to try as well as figure out your limits.

I also found that nearly 30% of people want to try rough sex but they don’t know what to do. And that’s why I created this guide to rough sex. There’s lots of ways to dive into it without feeling overwhelmed.

If you prefer vanilla sex for the most part, but want to slightly spice up things occasionally, here are some fun ways to do it.

Guide to rough sex lesson 1: Thrust harder

The easiest, and one of the best ways, of making normal sex into rough sex is to simply thrust harder. It sounds simple, because it is simple. Rough sex is more primal, manly and there’s a fantastic psychological thrill to it. So just be a bit rougher with your partner in your movements, and really pound them hard.

There are some great sexual positions that you can try to give you deeper penetration. It’s fun to switch positions up, and when you’ve found one that hits the right spots, keep at it.


Guide to rough sex lesson 2: Name calling

Dirty talk is fantastic. Rough sex often involves a certain amount of dominance and sometimes humiliation. A sexy, and softcore way to incorporate these elements is by calling your partner dirty names. Most of the time, girls don’t like being called a bitch. But during an intense session of rough sex, it can be super hot for the guy to say something like “You like it like that slut? Take it all you dirty little bitch.”

A very important thing is to ask your partner if she would enjoy this before hand. Some girls will never like being called in that way, and it can ruin the entire session for them. If you want to dirty talk without the name calling, it can be extremely sexy to just say something like “I’m going to fuck you really hard.”

Guide to rough sex lesson 3: Hair pulling

A lot of girls like to get their hair pulled, especially when in doggy position. A lot of guys pull hair wrong. Hair pulling is a great way to stimulate your partner, whilst also showing more dominance and control. There is a right and wrong way to pull hair.

The trick is to hold the hair close to the scalp, rather than pulling it further away from the scalp. This gives you the same control and dominance, but without making it really painful for the girl. The point isn’t to exert as much pain as possible, it’s about adding more stimulation. Here’s a good short video on youtube describing the technique.

Guide to rough sex lesson 4: Light bondage

Tying up your partner is a great way to get into rough sex, and also into BDSM. You can tie their wrists to the bed, or together, to restrict their movements. You can also tie their feet to the bed, depending on how much restriction you want. Make sure to ask your partner whether the ties are too tight or too loose. You want them to be comfortable.

Blindfolding or gagging your parter is also an option in light BDSM. The blindfold cuts off one of their senses, which heightens the others. The gag adds to the sense of helplessness. I personally love being blindfolded, but hate being gagged. Make sure to find out what your partner likes.

Guide to rough sex lesson 5: Spanking

Spanking is a great way to roughen up sex. A good hard smack during sex can send the right amount of stimulation to a girl to really push her over the edge. You can use your bare hands, a wooden paddle or even a whip. The whip is for the seasoned expert though.

If you’re truly interested in trying the harder levels of spanking, then there’s lot of great advice and resources out there. For most people however, I would recommend keeping it to just using your bare hand.

Guide to rough sex lesson 6: Scratch and bite

I love biting. I find it cheeky, sexy and adds a bit of a surprise element to sex. Biting can be a good way to get small amounts of pain. You have a lot of control over the strength of your bite. It can be fun to just give your partner a little nip shoulder when they least expect it.

Scratching to me is part of getting lost in intense and rough sex. The feelings you have are so overwhelming that you need to release some of the tension. I also feel like with scratching my partner, it’s me digging my hands into them, to get closer and also stimulate them. Make sure your nails aren’t super sharp, because I’ve known people draw blood from scratching.

Guide to rough sex lesson 7: Asphyxiation

Some girls like to be choked during sex. It’s certainly not for everyone, but it definitely counts as rough sex. Whether this is choking from deep throating, or choking from a hand around the neck, asphyxiation play of any kind can be very dangerous.

However, when done correctly it can be extremely exciting and pleasurable for you and your partner. It’s the height of control and dominance, and there needs to be a lot of trust between you two. Learn how to safely choke your partner before you try this. 

Guide to rough sex lesson 8: Role play

When having rough sex sessions, it can be fun to add role play into the mix. A popular role play is to have the woman struggle, or pretending to be asleep. There’s many reasons why people enjoy doing role play. It can add a sense of mystery, or newness. It can certainly spice things up out of an old routine.

Role play should be talked about beforehand, making sure you know you and your partner’s limits. The exact plot of the role play should be confirmed. There should also be a set way to communicate if you want to stop the roleplay.

Injuries and accidents

The final and most important part of any guide to rough sex, is the warning. Rough sex is fun but it can also be dangerous. You are purposefully doing things that stimulate pain. It’s easy to go over yours, or your partner’s pain threshold. It’s important to also stay in control and be completely aware of you and your partner’s comfort levels. With things such as hard bondage, and asphyxiation especially, there’s a lot of ways things can go wrong if you’ve not planned it carefully. Make sure you know exactly what you’re doing.

Rough sex infographic

Rough sex infographic - Harriet Sugarcookie