It’s hard to say “sex with my ex was better”. A recent survey showed that two thirds of people admit the best sex they ever had was with an ex. Here are my tips to help get over your ex sex.
We all want to think the best sex is with our current partners, and yet there are two thirds of us who admit the best sex was with their ex. There’s nothing wrong to admitting it, because it’s just a fact. It can however be a problem if you can’t stop thinking about it and it starts affecting your relationship.
There will always be people you’re more sexually compatible with than others. Sometimes it’s just a chemical thing that happens in your head that makes you go crazy for them physically. The sex with that person feels good, and like sugar, your body will start craving it.
Dr Arun Ghosh points out, “The problem is that the body can’t distinguish whether the person we’re with is a casual fling or marriage material … so while it might help you bond with the love of your life, it’s also the reason you may feel so miserable when a short-term relationship ends.”
It becomes a problem if you realise you’re constantly thinking about sex with your ex. If you’re having sex with your current partner, but you’re thinking about your ex, it’s not going to promote a healthy relationship.
I’ve always considered there being two parts to getting over sex with my ex. The first part is the mind over matter, where I look at this logically. The second is the matter of improving the sex life with my current partner.
The way you think of your ex is going to effect the amount you fantasise about them. For instance, if you’re only remember the great sex, then you’re only remembering the good things which will make you miss them more.
Instead, you should try and remind yourself of the negative things in your old relationship. Remind yourself why you had broken up. Remembering all the bad things will help you get over wanting your ex, including even wanting to have sex with them.
Here’s a great video by buzzfeed that shows common mistakes we make about our relationships.
On the same note, try to think of all the great things you have with your current partner. You can mentally make a list of all the things you love about them and your relationship. You can remind yourself why things are better now, and why are better than your ex.
Moving on from that is part two. The physical side. The great thing about sex is that you can always improve it. There’s no need to despair about sex with your ex being the best, because all you have to do is make your new sex better.
There are so many ways to improve your sex life as well. The easiest option is to be more open and communicative with your partner. There’s nothing wrong with telling your partner exactly what you want it bed, and it’s better for you to know what your partner wants too.
Encourage your partner in bed. A lot of times, great sex comes from confidence in the bedroom. When you’re with a new partner who isn’t experienced with your body, it’s great to give them verbal and visual indications that you’re enjoying yourself. If they’re touching you in a way you like, let them know!
Adding enthusiasm also improves your mood. The phrase “fake it till you make it” sort of applies, because you have to make sure you’re in the right mindset for great sex. You need to give your new partner a chance to be better.
You can always teach your partner ways to satisfy you. Show them exactly how you like to be touched, as well as your favourite sex positions. You can also try new positions together. Why not try role-playing one of your fantasies?
Finally, I believe the easiest way to get over sex with my ex is to put time and effort into my new partner. I stop thinking about my ex, including the sex. Instead, I work on making this sex the best sex I’ve ever had.