As a non American (or Canadian for that matter!) I didn’t grow up with thanksgiving. Most of the time we do all the “things we’re thankful for” at Christmas. I think it’s sweet that there’s a separate holiday that everyone gets together for. I’m a big fan of holidays, and this year there’s a lot I want to say thank you for.
This year I made a big turkey dinner for my friends in Budapest. Porno Dan, Gina Gerson, Dean Van Damme, Isiah Maxwell, Bill Wright, Tinder Tommie and Dorothy are all attending, so the table is a little crowded. It feels right that way though. A nice crowded table piled high with delicious foods.
It’s the first time I’m hosting a Thanksgiving, and as two of my guests are American I’m a little nervous about doing it right. The gravy tastes weird, but there’s a lot of it. The turkey is huge and I’m not sure how to cut it. I wasn’t sure about roast potatoes so instead there’s just mash. I also got Yams, but I think they’re the same as sweet potatoes.
It feels very strange, to be sat at a table with so many friends, celebrating an American holiday. Last year I didn’t do anything special. So many things have changed in the last year, last few years. I realise that I’m very thankful for all of them.
I’ve had a lot of press recently, some articles going over my life before porn, and how happy I am to be where I am now. It’s all completely true. Sometimes when I look in the mirror now I’m so surprised by the woman than looks back at me. I’ve grown and developed so much, and it’s thanks to everyone who has ever supported me.
Before starting this website, I was a very lonely girl with low-self esteem and awkward social skills. Now I’m more confident, determined with slightly better social skills. It’s hard to explain the change, as it’s been happening over the course of 3 years now.
A lot of people don’t realise just how lonely I was before. It’s a hard thing to admit to. No one really wants to say they don’t have that many friends, or that they don’t go out much. Of course I had friends, very close ones, but I was still quite lonely.
I also had very little experience with large groups of people. It was hard for me to introduce myself to new people, as I always worried about silly things. Will they like me? What if I say something stupid? What if they think I’m stupid?
From comments on Twitter, Instagram, Reddit, camming and also on this website, everyone has given me so much support and encouragement. I feel as if I have a huge number of friends all waiting to say hi to me. People who want to know about my life and people who listen to me.
The encouragement everyone has given me has really helped me grow and improve myself. The first time I got an AVN nomination was because of the support of a few who decided to nominate me. I wasn’t expecting it, it was a huge milestone for me. I’ve now been nominated every year since, and again that’s because of the support and dedication from you guys.
This year I won the UKAP award. The first award I have ever won. I remember asking everyone to help vote for me. I really didn’t believe that I would be in with a chance of actually winning. Yet here I am now, and I know who to thank for that.
I can’t tell you where I’m going to go from here. I’ve changed so much in the past 6 months, it’s hard to predict what will happen in the future. What I do know is that I am more motivated and determined now to do even better.
There’s so many things I want to improve and work on. I want to be able to offer more content, both porn and non porn. More photosets would be nice as well. There’s always lots of ideas in my head, whether or not they work is a different matter. But you can trust that I’ll be constantly trying new things.
I hope that everyone will continue to give me their support and encouragement, because going forward, I will need you more than ever. It’s the emails, comments and actions of everyone that keeps me going. You proved to me that I was something better, and now I want to prove to you that I can get better than even this.