I’m a 26 year old virgin, do I tell her?

Hey Harriet. I’ve recently met this amazing girl, and we’ve been on a few dates and thinks are going great. I’ve just got this problem.  I’m a 26 year old virgin, do I tell her? I’m worried she’ll think less of me, or become disinterested, or that I might not perform on par. 

The very first thing you should know is that being a virgin is not a fault. It’s not a bad trait or habit and you should never be ashamed for it. Media and social perceptions make us think sex is everything, but it isn’t. It can feel disheartening when it seems everyone around you has been having sex since they were teenagers, but being a 26 year old virgin is by no means uncommon.

First of all, ask yourself “Am I ready to have sex?”. You may feel like because of your age, you’re behind on everyone else, or that you’re not as good as everyone else. This might make you want to rush in and just get the deed over and done with, so you’ll no longer be labeled as a virgin. That would be a terrible move.

Sex is a physical connection between people, but there’s also an emotional connection. The first thing you have to ask yourself is how do you feel about this girl. Are you attracted to her sexually? Do you like her personally? Do you trust her? If you answer any of these questions with no, then I would recommend not having sex with her. If all of the answers are yes, then you should be confident that she won’t mock nor judge you for being a virgin.

When you are in a confident and stable relationship with your partner, sex should come naturally and be fun. I’m not saying you have to be in a long term relationship, but rather you and your partner should have good feelings about each other.  I personally feel that my first time ever shouldn’t feel much different to my first time with a new partner. In both cases, this is something I haven’t done before. So I want to be confident that I’m happy with my choice.

Talking to her will also let you two bring up subjects such as preferences and expectations. This isn’t intimidating, but rather should help you feel more intimate. You can laugh and make light of it, and be understanding towards each other. Hopefully this will let you feel more confident and comfortable. Communication is always the key.