Although sex injuries aren’t common, when they occur, they can be both hilarious and embarrassing, with both men and women afraid to admit how they got a black eye or a pulled hamstring. But, truth be told, when things get a little wild and crazy between the sheets, anything can happen — like the dude who got a broken nose while going down on his girlfriend a couple years back.
Sure, sex is supposed to be fun, but it sure as hell isn’t too great when a sex injury happens. And, while we really don’t like to laugh at people when they have something bad occur, we have a feeling that the people who experienced some of these funny sexy injuries are laughing at themselves. So go ahead and chuckle after seeing some of the most outrageous ones we could find.
- “After doing the deed I had a MASSIVE headache that was like a bomb going off in my head. Wife rushes me to the ER thinking I have busted a brain vessel and having a stroke. ER basically says it happens a lot. Just kept me for observation than let me go when I could see straight again. Has never happened again.”
- “I was hanging out with my battery-operated boyfriend while my husband was out of town and man, talk about a scary headache! It went from 0-100 in an instant. I called the nurse line and reassured them that I had no neurological signs, just pain. My doctor called me the next day and I was like…uh…did the nurse line people explain to you what happened? Because I sure didn’t want to say the story out loud again. Got some brain scans and thankfully everything was fine.”
- “I’m uncircumcised, and I tore my frenulum having sex with a girl one time. It’s the little flap of skin that attaches the bottom of the foreskin to the bottom of the head of the penis. Just like the little flap of skin between your lips and gums. The worst part of it was that I didn’t notice during sex. I pulled out to cum on her stomach, and a torrent of blood and cum spurted everywhere. I looked down and saw it and just awkwardly said ‘Uh… Problem.'”
- “Was the doctor, not the patient. You know those erectile dysfunction treatments that used to be on billboards all over? ‘LONGER SEX NOW’, etc? Well, as is often joked about, those treatments advise you to go to hospital if it lasts longer than 4 hours. Guy came in, having used those treatments, having had an erection for maybe 6 or 8 hours. His dick was purple – not ‘purple-helmeted warrior of love’-purple, but more ‘Holding your breath until you pass out’-purple. Also very painful for the guy. We called the urology registrar (read:resident) to ask him to come and look, and for advice on what to do in the meantime. His answer? ‘Take a large gauge needle on a big syringe, stick it right into his glans penis and suck out as much blood as you can.'” Then my shift ended. I did not stick around to watch that one.”
- “Was doing the deed, no thrills nothing fancy. Afterwards we’re sitting on the couch and I feel crampy, so I go into the bathroom, and I sit. That’s when I have the most painful cramp of all time. My boyfriend comes in to see me full blown hysterical tears, calls my mom whose an ER nurse who’s motto as a child was ‘no bones sticking out or gushing blood? You’re fine.’ She drives down immediately and takes me to the ER. That’s when I panic, because if this cold hearted ER Nurse thinks I need to go pronto it’s serious. When we get there it’s slow enough that I pretty much immediately see a doctor…who just happens to be my moms favorite coworker. Awesome. I then try to explain why it hurts and how it happened when my mom blurts out ‘she was having sex.’ The doctor didn’t flinch much, but I sure did. I wanted to die! Thankfully the embarrassment didn’t last long because they gave me amazing pain killers. Long story short I had sex, had an ovarian cyst burst, horrifyingly painful, went to be ER doctor and my mom were buddies. Good times.”
- “Not so much an ‘injury’ but the treatment and aftermath did hurt a lot. Condom came off inside me and we didn’t notice until after we were done, both of us tried to look (or feel) for it and couldn’t find any trace. I ended up in the ER and the doctor tried removing it with tongs, but it was apparently wedged right up in my cervix and the tongs couldn’t reach. So this doctor with hands like Mr Burns had to lube me up and get in there with his hands to yank it out. It hurt so much and I was completely mortified as my partner was sat next to me watching and was horrified. I now have a phobia of that happening again and it makes sex with condoms really awkward for me.”
- “Once was having some very active sex and the guy (accidentally) full-force, full velocity shoved his 100% all beef thermometer into my butthole and holy FUCK I could see stars. I fell back onto the bed (we were standing) clutching my ass like it was going to run away from me. I nearly passed out and I’m trying to regain some semblance of my butthole while this guy is like ‘come on it’s not THAT BAD, chill out.’ I wasnt having any of that and sent him downstairs to get water so I could learn to breathe again in peace. Ended up not having to go to the hospital, but I couldn’t poop right for a week.”
- “One time I was getting a handy from my girl and she decides she wants to use some lube. She goes and grabs what she thinks is Astroglide, pumps a few shots into her hand, and gets back into the game. It feels absolutely amazing, but I noticed that it smelled a little more”chemically” than what it should have been. We finish things up and go to bed shortly after. In the morning I wake up to take a piss and feel a slight sting. Turns out the sting was one of many pieces of dried dick skin that were falling off (it seriously looked like lizard skin). What she had used the night before was not lube, but some industrial strength soap I had taken from one of the labs I worked in at Stanford Medical school. Chunks of skin continued to fall off for the next two days and I could barely touch it for a week because of how bad it stung. I didn’t have to go to the ER, but I certainly learned my lesson.”
Let these sex injuries be a warning for all of you — be careful out there. And, for those who just can’t get enough of these wild sex injuries, head on over to Reddit and see the full thread. Trust us, these should serve as both a warning sign and some entertainment.
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