Is your relationship moving too fast? It can be really easy to rush things when you finally find the right girl for you. Unfortunately, moving too fast can end up being the worst thing for you and your new girlfriend, as it can lead to bitterness for not meeting expectations down the road, which can end the relationship altogether.
For instance, a personal example was with a girl I was dating around this time last year, when we began staying at one another’s apartment at least twice per week because she had roommates and didn’t want to impose on their personal time. I should have spoken up about how I thought that the relationship was moving too fast, but didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so I decided to just go with it. A few months later, I ended things because I felt like we were too far ahead where we should have been, and it didn’t feel right trying to make it work.
I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there who have done the same thing I did while just starting to date someone. You try so hard to find the right girl, and when you do, you try even harder to make it work. But it’s important to remember that there’s no rush, so go at the right pace for you and your new girl so things stay fresh and fun throughout.
For those who think a new relationship is moving too fast, here are some signs to look for, and what you should do to avoid falling into such a trap.
Are there clear signs my relationship’s moving too fast?
You probably already know this, but, yes, there are definitely signs to look for to identify that your relationship’s moving too fast. According to some experts, per EliteDaily, some of these signs are things like being strictly physical with your new girl, not sticking to some sort of timeline and not yet going through adversity together.
That’s not to say that all relationships are moving too fast if you haven’t experienced those things mentioned above, but you need to be careful about how you’re acting when you get in a new relationship. Remember, you’re not buying a car here, guys, you’re dating, so you must have plan to follow in order to make things right. Make sure you’re going at your pace, and, if it doesn’t match your girl’s, then it might be best to cut your losses before getting in too deep.
Have your girlfriend on a pedestal? Your relationship’s moving too fast
This is one that every guy is probably guilty of, because, deep down, we all want to try and be perfect for our new girlfriend, so we convince ourselves we’re not good enough for her. If you’re doing this, though, there’s a good chance your relationship’s moving too fast and it’s going to flame out at some point.
It’s great to appreciate the girl you just started dating, but never doubt yourself for being able to snag her. When you’re thinking she’s better than you and can’t see what she sees in you, it might mean that you just don’t know her enough, because we all have flaws, even the girl you find to be pretty, smart, successful and laid back.
To help break this vicious cycle of putting your girl on a pedestal, slow things down and have certain things you two can experience together to better know each other. This can be as simple as saying you don’t want to “make things official” until at least three months after the first few dates, or even having a checklist of things you need to know about her before defining the relationship. Whatever works for both of you is the best way to go.
Your relationship has constant contact
That whole honeymoon phase of a new relationship is one of the best things about dating someone new, but, man, it can be exhausting. That’s because, far too often, there’s too much contact, which is a clear sign that a relationship’s moving too fast, as each person is afraid to disappoint the other by texting, calling or seeing one another too frequently.
The most successful relationships are the ones that don’t need a whole lot of texting or calling, because the value’s on spending actual time together. Even then, though, you need to make sure there’s a good balance with how you’re both divvying up time, making sure you’re keeping a schedule that allows you time to yourself. After all, nobody wants to be the codependent type.
To eliminate too much contact, make sure you and your new girlfriend set boundaries and talk about how you prefer communicating early on in the relationship. She may be used to texting everyday to see how your day is, but if you tell her it’s unnecessary before things get too serious, you’ll let her know that the small talk isn’t anything that you value in keeping a relationship strong.
Ditching friends all the time? Your relationship is moving too fast, man
It’s one thing to make new friends through your new girlfriend early in a relationship. It’s another thing when you’re ditching old friends to hang with her and/or her friends instead of your own. I’ve experienced this firsthand before, and, sadly, it cost me great friends as well as hurt me more when the relationship with the girl ended since I was more isolated.
One of the major keys to keeping a relationship from moving too fast is finding the right balance for you and your girl alone, not together. Too many people think it’s the other way around, but, remember, that you need to stay independent whether in a relationship or not, which involves doing things on your own and with your good friends, too, even if your girlfriend isn’t around.
What’s the major issue with a relationship moving too fast?
When it comes down to it, the major issue with a relationship moving too fast is happiness. Sure, some people need another around them at all times, but that’s definitely not the healthy way to go about it, because you need to love yourself before really loving someone else. Likewise, you need to know yourself before loving yourself, so you should have certain things you want in a relationship before going down that path.
This means finding out things about your girlfriend together, and, if and when you’re ready, doing things together that are more serious — like infiltrating friend groups, meeting family or taking a trip together. Those may seem like small things, but they’re actually a big deal, so protect yourself until you really feel comfortable doing them.
A relationship that’s moving too fast might feel good in the moment, but, down the line, things can become stale and you and/or girl may regret some of the decisions you made without really thinking things through early on. This can lead to bitterness and, ultimately, the end of the relationship.
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