Is it ever ok to sleep with a friend’s ex?

Is it ever ok to sleep with a friend’s ex? What about your bestfriend’s ex? Are there separate rules? The unsaid code makes us think “no way, never ever” but could there possibly be a time when it’s in fact ok to sleep with a friend’s ex? 

We’ve all been there. You meet this amazing girl. She’s funny, smart and stunningly gorgeous. But your friend has called dibs and your heart sinks as you watch them embark on a relationship you secretly wished involved her and you.

Then one day the couple break up. The funny, amazing, stunningly gorgeous girl shows interest in you and you think this could be my chance. Only there’s that problem of your friend. What do you do? Is it ever ok to sleep with a friend’s ex? Even if you think maybe she was meant to be with you all along?

Firstly if it’s your bestfriend, then the answer should be no. Even if they’re fine with it. Don’t do it.

Do you really want this?

Before going further, sit down and really ask yourself if this is what you want. Even if this girl seems like the most amazing thing in the world, and there’s enough sparks coming off you both to burn down London Bridge, is it really what you want?

Or have you set her up as this challenge, and put her on a pedestal? You might ruin your friendship for this. Is she worth that? Sometimes we’re attracted to things purely because we can’t have them. Is that playing a role in why you want her so much?

Don’t forget to also check if it’s what she really wants. She might be giving you signals that she’s interested, or you might be reading those signals wrong. No point risking your friendship over someone who’s not actually interested in you.

What’s her relationship with your friend like now?

Next you need to look at the current relationship between the girl and your friend. Who broke up with who? If she broke up with your friend, then the chances are sleeping with her will be a huge, terrible mistake. If your friend broke up with her, there’s a chance he wouldn’t care if you slept with her or not.

Is your friend heart broken? Did the breakup affect him? Is he depressed? If any of those are answered yes, then don’t sleep with her. It will feel like an act of betrayal. You probably already know deep down whether it’s ok or not. If you feel guilty about it, or that maybe you’re doing something wrong, then don’t do it.

On the other hand, if your friend has already moved on and is seeing someone else, the chances they won’t mind you sleeping with their ex is much higher. The best thing to do if you really want to go for it, is to be open and honest about your friend and simply ask them how they feel about the situation.

Is it just sex, or something more?

If the only thing you want to do is have sex with this girl, then don’t do it. Sex doesn’t mean much. It certainly isn’t good enough to break up a friendship for. Sex is a temporary thing. Maybe it’ll be the best sex of your life, but what happens after you’ve quenched that thirst?

If however you think she’s “the one” and you want to have a long term relationship with her, then maybe it’s ok to pursue that. Just seriously ask yourself if you think that’s a likely outcome. If it’s worth it or not.

Finally, always go with your gut instinct. If you feel that your friend will be hurt, that’ll you’ll feel guilty, then don’t do it. You’re mind has already decided it’s wrong, you don’t need validation from the internet. However if you believe that this is the one thing you’ll make you the happiest man in the world, then explain it well to your friend and see if they understand.

Be wary that even if they say they’re ok with it, the situation can be delicate. Don’t flaunt it, and don’t expect them to be super sympathetic if things fall through.