I got the sweetest email ever from someone this week asking the question “How do I last longer in bed?” because premature climax is a thing. It’s also a lot more common than people will believe! Nearly everyone has cum too early at least once in their lives. I for one, always climax too quickly! It’s an embarrassing question to ask, but an interesting one to answer!
You’ve met a girl, you’re on a date, things get heated up and you end up back at your place. She’s insanely hot, you’re super turned on and as soon as you enter her it feels like heaven. It feels so good. Too good. All too soon you realise you can’t hold back and you cum all over her face. Ok, so maybe you cum on her tits… The point is, she gives you this look and you know you’ve done bad. So what happens? You stare at each other awkwardly, she pulls the bed covers over herself and turns away and you both lie in bed in silence wondering if she’s going to leave and never call you back.
Firstly, that hardly ever happens. Movies make you think that, your own paranoia and insecurities might make you think that, but I can honestly say, it’s not a big deal. An interesting fact about girls is that many don’t even orgasm from penetrative sex. Sex isn’t just about going to pound town. It’s not about how long you last. True fact, some guys last too long which can be even worse for the girl! There’s no sweet spot time, each girl will be different and so will the chemistry between you and different partners.
First thing’s first. Don’t make a big deal out of it. I remember way back when I first got it on with my ex boyfriend, we were both really nervous but excited. Caught up in the heat of the moment he came in about two minutes. Maybe less. I didn’t mind at all, because I was super happy he enjoyed it. Having a guy climax is an achievement, and girls feel the same way about being able to make a guy cum as a guy feels when he makes a girl cum. Therefore there should be nothing to be sorry about. Maybe nothing to brag about, but certainly nothing to apologise about.
My boyfriend spent twenty minutes afterwards apologising to me. It was very sweet that he felt bad because he came quickly and felt I was unsatisfied. I was flattered that he cared. However by making a big fuss about it, the entire night seemed focus on only that point at not how amazing everything else was. It also made it appear that his climax was a bad thing. Climaxing should always be a good thing. It makes no sense to say there’s a situation where it isn’t!
So what should you do now?
Give the girl some loving! Sex is so much more than just penis in vagina. There’s a numberless number of things you can do. The most obvious and intimate choice for me would be for you to go down on her. Give her some oral loving. By giving her all the attention, then there won’t be any on you and your early climax. There’s nothing saying that as soon as you cum, everything is over. You can please her with your fingers and your tongue. If you both climax, then does it matter who came first? Exactly. Not sure how to do this? Check out some of my other blogs on tips and advice! Remember, there’s really no such thing as too much foreplay!
But I don’t want to get into that situation in the first place! How do I last longer in bed?
There are thousands of internet search hits that are going to to tell you how to last longer in bed. The hard part is finding a method that works for you. Unfortunately, like all difficult questions, there’s not simple answer. Firstly, we need to address why you climaxed so quickly.
“It happens every time I have sex, it just feels so good that I can’t stop myself!”
Consider using the condoms that have numbing lube. Yes, these exist. They’re the ones that are advertised as “endurance condoms” or something similar. It doesn’t sound pleasant, having something that’s going to numb your penis, but they generally aren’t that strong and they do help it making you last longer. There are also lubes that do the same thing, without the condom, but be weary using these since they will also affect the girl!
Another way would be to stop. Pull out, and spend some time kissing her, playing with her in other ways, using your fingers and tongue ect. Take this time to really lavish her with attention until you feel like you’ve calmed down enough to continue. As long as you don’t just sit back and do nothing it’ll be fine! Something very erotic to do would be to mutually jack off each other for a moment, it’ll still feel good but you’re less likely to cum from it, and you’ll still cool down a little without stopping the action.
“I was in the heat of the moment and it just happened!”
– There is nothing wrong with this at all. In fact, sometimes when you’re just so turned on and the mood is steaming, it can be the best sexual experience ever. I can personally can say some of my best times lasted no longer than 10 minutes, from getting out the cab to almost into bed. I think this is something guys forget, sex is a two way street. Your partner is in it just as much as you are, and she’s probably feeling the same amount of heat you are!
Finally, don’t forget that girls can climax really quickly too. I know for a fact I do. I get super embarrassed about it, but a guy has never ever said he minded. Remember to reverse your situation, if it were the girl that had climaxed, would you feel annoyed or disappointed? Would you stop doing everything altogether? There’s certainly lots of ways to answer “How do I last longer in bed?” but the most important thing is to remember there’s even more ways to just have good sex.