Communication in everything is of the utmost importance, with two people (or groups of people), having to understand one another in order to be most effective. That can be in a work relationship, friendship or, even most importantly, when it comes to dating.
Thing is, communication isn’t easy. For whatever reason, people are afraid to speak their minds or offend someone. Conflict is always trying to be avoided and, of course, we’re all distracted by things like email, cell phones, the Internet, etc. But there’s no excuse for everyone to work on increasing their communication skills.
That’s why we wanted to know just how important it is to be a great communicator when it comes to dating. As it turns out, it’s mega critical, as it builds trust between two people.
After looking at a few articles from around the Internet, we found one on FHM, who interviewed Celeste Headlee, a Conversation Expert for the online dating site, Plenty of Fish, that talked about the importance of communication and conversation in dating. Here are a few things she had to say.
FHM: In A Recent POF Study, 81 Percent Of Introverts And 77 Percent Of Extroverts Want Someone Who Leads The Conversation, What’s The Best Icebreaker?
Celeste Headlee: “One of the biggest mistakes you can make is going into a date with prepared questions. Most people aren’t good enough actors to make a prepared question sound spontaneous and authentic, so it can end up as an awkward exchange. Instead, start the date by really observing your partner. Notice what they’re wearing and ask about it. Are they wearing a sports jersey? An interesting piece of jewelry? Do they carry a planner? You can also acknowledge the situation, by saying, ‘I know first dates are awkward, but I’d love to learn more about you.’ Ask them about the best thing that’s happened to them in the past week. Research shows people are more open-minded if they’re given a chance to feel good about themselves.”
FHM: For Someone Who’s Generally Shy Or More Of An Introvert, What Tips Do You Have For Them To Break Out Of Their Shell?
Celeste Headlee: “Ask a lot of questions. It makes the other person feel good if they’re allowed to talk about things they like and it relieves the pressure. Also, start by asking about things the other person likes, instead of about their personal beliefs. Sometimes, talking about food or TV or books can be easier for an introvert than conversations about personal opinions and emotions.”
FHM: In The Aforementioned POF Study, Sex Was High On The List Of Important Relationship Factors, How Much Of Sex Is Communication Over Just Physical?
Celeste Headlee: “I think it’s good to talk about sex on the third date or later. Knowing expectations relaxes people, so knowing what you expect and asking about the other person’s expectations can be a very considerate and important thing. Be respectful, of course, and really listen to what they’re telling you. If they seem to be uncomfortable or say things like, ‘This makes me feel weird,’ then change the subject. Pay attention to what your partner is saying, along with body language.”
FHM: Lastly, Where Are Three Spots That Men Should See The Most Success Talking Or Meeting Women?
Celeste Headlee: “You can be successful almost anywhere. The grocery store, the line at Starbucks, a music festival, or an urban trail. Just remember to approach only if there are others around, as a woman can get nervous if she’s alone and a man approaches her. The best strategy is to get out there and do stuff that you like. Volunteer to walk dogs at a shelter, join a hiking group through MeetUp, go to a concert. The women you meet while doing these things will share your interests and you already know you have something in common.”
As Celeste Headlee says above, communication and conversation in dating is important for so many reasons. Whether that’s openly talking about sex, or simply just trying to get to know the other person better, there’s nothing better than talking when it comes to building trust and openness.
You can read the entire article over at FHM to learn more about good communication in dating. And, for all those shy guys, it should be a bible for you to follow, because there are some A+ tips in there to get over any fears of approaching or talking to girls.
(H/T FHM)