Demisexual might be the height of romantic love. Being a demisexual means that you cannot be sexually attracted to someone without having formed a deep emotional connection.
It might seem like there’s loads of different terms for fancying someone. Whether you’re heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, pansexual, asexual or demisexual is up to you. Today society is becoming more acceptive of different approaches towards relationships and sex. But when we think about it, do we really know what these sexualities are?
To recap, being heterosexual means you like someone of the opposite sex. So man plus woman or woman plus man is straight. Bisexual is liking both but may also extend to dating transgender people. Homosexual is exclusively liking people of the same gender as you. Pansexual is very similar to being demisexual but is generally thought of as liking anybody regardless of their biological gender or chosen identity.
What does demisexual mean?
It doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation or gender is to be a demisexual. Whether they’re a man, woman or transgender, you have to form a bond first. This might sound fairly reasonable, as we seldom get into relationships without having feelings for them.
Demisexual attraction though is exclusive to getting to know the person first before you then can find them sexually attractive. Whereas non-demisexual people might be attracted to people sexually first and not develop feelings until later on.
While asexual people are usually without sexual attraction to anyone, demisexual is a different thing. Demisexuals may not be attracted to anyone ordinarily in the same way as asexual people aren’t. Yet unlike asexual people, demisexual people can be attracted to someone they know as a friend or get to know romantically.
Dating when you’re demisexual
Dating as a demisexual person can have more challenges than if you’re straight. While most people meet and know right away if there’s a sexual attraction, it’s different if you’re demisexual. Foremost because demisexual people don’t feel any sexual attraction to someone until they’ve got to know them enough to decide.
This makes online dating more difficult because while they can choose people based on common interests, sexual attraction can’t be decided on so easily. Demisexual dating is arguably more sociable if people deliberately chat and get to know each other first. It’s a good policy for anyone to have when dating.
But we can’t deny the fact that sexual attraction and chemistry is a pretty key part of dating. When we want to get into a relationship with someone we usually wonder if we’re going to click in bed. Wanting a healthy, pleasurable sex life is a normal thing to ask for.
We’d all like to meet the person of our dreams. Someone we get on with well, like the same stuff and connect well in the sheets. But for demisexual people this can be hard to know right away.
Ordinarily when you go on a date or a few dates, you know if you’d like to start seeing this person properly. You will know if they’re your type and even if you aren’t sure about the relationship angle, you can usually decide if they float your boat visually.
Instead, demisexual people miss out on the “honeymoon” phase because it’s replaced with uncertainty. While some demisexual people can feel impulses of attraction to strangers, it’s fleeting. They might like someone but because it’s so brief, it can be easily dismissed and will almost certainly be discarded if they stop and think about it.
Finding a new relationship
Given what we know about demisexuality, it’s little wonder that many relationships start as friendships that develop into more. By getting to know someone as a friend first, demisexual people are able to get over the uncertainty phase of not being sure about their personality.
Rather than getting to know someone over a series of dates, demisexuals instead know that individual’s quirks from the outset. As such, they can then find themselves sexually attracted to a friend or colleague. It’s not that different from normal life but the sexual attraction angle is the key changer.
When a demisexual person gets a crush on someone they find attractive even if they don’t know them that well, it seems like a big deal. For someone who doesn’t usually find themselves sexually attracted to unknown people, a crush is huge. Seeing someone and feeling that spark changes things and can be a real buzz.
Sex doesn’t have to be the overwhelming factor when getting into a relationship. In fact, by having it on the back burner we are often able to find more satisfactory relationships. Where personality, mutual interests and general friendship are valued properly.