Whether or not it’s true, every guy seems to care about how to last longer in bed. After all, we’re taught that, to really please a girl and get her off, a man needs to be able to have sex with her for a really long time, using different speeds and angles to make her wet. Thanks porn.

Since no one wants to be a one-pump chump, we’re giving you a few tips on how to last longer in bed, which should help eliminate any insecurities and get you back to focusing on her more. Every guy tries his hardest to hold his cum from spewing everywhere too soon, so here’s what you can do to become a master at it.

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Why do I cum too fast?

Before diving into how to hold back ejaculating too soon, let’s first explain why it might be happening in the first place. According to David Rowland, a psychology professor at Valparaiso University, via Men’s Health, the simple reason is because guys are in their own minds. In other words, once a guy feels like he may cum, he starts getting anxiety, which can increase the nervous system and, boom, semen goes everywhere. Oh, and that whole “thinking of chairs” method you use to try and hold it back doesn’t offset this anxiety.

What can I do to eliminate ejaculating too fast?

Now comes the part you’ve been waiting for, guys, because we have some advice to help stop your body from pumping out cum before you want to. According to Rowland, doing this is actually easier than you might think — but it takes some practice.

“If you’re enjoying the sensations of sex, you’re not focusing on thoughts of, ‘What if I finish too soon,’ ” Rowland says. In other words, focus on the emotions and feelings of the sex you’re having, and not just trying to distract your brain with other thoughts. Things like your girl’s boobs, or thighs, or legs or… OK, you get the point.

Communication is important, too

Like most good things, communicating can help stay focused without feeling anxious — and that includes in the bedroom. Talking to your girl about slowing down when you feel like you might be close to cumming is important. Likewise, talking to her about which positions feel best but also protect you from ejaculating too fast is important. The two of you shouldn’t be having an in-depth conversation to kill the mood, but talking in a sexual way will keep the emotions high while making sure that both of you are satisfied.