The word incel isn’t one that many of us may know about, but, if you keep up with popular dating and/or sex trends, it’s something that you’re familiar with. That’s because incel literally stands for “involuntary celibate,” which many men are beginning to incorporate it into their own lives — and it’s causing serious problems.
But, really, is this necessary? While incel is the action of staying celibate, the word that really stands out in its definition is “involuntary,” meaning many people, the majority being guys, think that they’re incapable of getting laid, which can lead to anger and bitterness towards girls. In fact, many people online have seen guys who identify as being part of this incel community as bashing ladies in message boards and such for not giving in to their advances.
There’s been plenty of attention on the incel community in recent months, which has led to at least one random act of violence. On April 28, a man named Alek Minassian drove a van into a crowd of people, killing 10, and declaring it as part of an “incel rebllion” — which, per Askmen, is the “organized infliction of revenge against women who sleep with attractive men, and not men like Minassian.”
Fortunately, the Alek Minassian incident was isolated and isn’t something that is common for incels to frequently do. It’s terrifying to think that someone could be that upset and lonely and isolated that he felt it necessary to strike harm on other people for such frustration, but it should be said that most incels aren’t about violence. However, with mental health problems and depression continuing to be an issue — especially in men — it’s a stark reminder that there are plenty of people out there who take their sadness out on others.
With all the information out there about incels, here are some other things to know about the community.
What age group typically identifies as being incel?
Although the aforementioned Alek Minassian was a 25-year-old, many incels identify as being between the ages of 14 and 18. So, while much of the concern about hate towards girls being a problem, it’s important to remember that the majority of the community is kids. That’s not to say this isn’t still a major problem, but rather than overlook their age and lack of social and emotional security, they often turn to jealousy and hate towards girls. But it’s important to remember that many of these kids haven’t even dated before.
Is the anger of incels always directly related to dating?
In short, no, but it is directly related to girls. That’s according to a guy named Patrick, who identified as formerly being incel, telling AskMen this: “It’s never JUST about women. Negative female interaction is a by-product of a previous error/fault (or perception of one).” So, in hindsight, it’s issues with females in general. This can be from lack of communication with sisters, or, worse, an unfortunate abusive relationships with moms or female authority figures.
Yes, there’s even lingo associated with incels
Like other subcultures, incels do have their own communication styles. For instance, some of the slang generalizes people into the hot, successful guys (called Chads), who are the ones who sleep with/date attractive, normal girls (called Staceys). There’s envy around Chads and hate towards Staceys, with the presumption that she’s filthy, promiscuous or co-dependent who are just looking for attention. In essence, many of these stereotypes are isolated or bullied kids revolting against the popular kids in school.
Is there a solution for incels to stop this type of hate or behavior?
Like any other group, especially one that majority lives and breeds online, it’s difficult to just stop incels from voicing hate towards girls. The simple answer is providing young boys with more positive female influences, but that’s easier said than done. It goes beyond just female influences, though, as these kids need a strong male mentor to lead them to a different mindset about girls, showing them that, although it may feel as if they’re down and out now, they have plenty of time to still develop emotionally and physically.