It’s one thing to be flirty and occasionally be self-deprecating when talking to a girl. But when that tone changes and crosses into the desperate territory, it shows insecurities, codependency and lack of confidence, which will immediately turn girls off from wanting anything more than (maybe) a friendship with you.

This isn’t a place any guy wants to be, so we’re here to help you avoid coming across as desperate at all costs. Remember, you’re supposed to play things cool and keep things casual, not be in your own mind and try too hard to get a girl’s attention — no matter how much you’re into her.

To avoid coming across as desperate to a girl, keep on reading, because we’ve got some tips that will make you be much more attractive to her. Hey, we always have your best interests in mind.

Writing more detailed messages than she does

Remember, you’re supposed to play things cool, guys, not give her every single detail about what’s happening in your day. Sure, even if you prefer to over-communicate, you need to hold back the urge to do so in text messages, focusing more on concise messages that won’t turn into a novel for her to read. Follow her lead, but also make sure you maintain your natural tone during texts, because you don’t want to come across as someone you’re really not.

Asking if she got your last message or not

We’ve all been in that situation where we double text a girl, wondering if she got our last message and, if so, why she didn’t reply. It’s confusing to dissect, but you don’t want to be the dude who pries and wonders shy she skipped over it. Look, everyone has their phone around them most of the time, so if she goes silent on you, don’t be the one who constantly over-texts her or outright asks why she didn’t reply.

Spending too much money on her before you’ve gotten to know her

First dates can be tricky, because you’ve typically got to find a good balance between casual and fancy, in most cases. That said, it’s totally OK to grab some coffee or a drink when you first meet, because you don’t know how things will go between the two of you or if there’s going to be chemistry. Even if you do hit it off, avoid falling into the trap of spending a cool $100 on this girl by the fourth date, even if you do feel like there’s something brewing together. You don’t want to set the expectation that you’re always going to live the high life and that’s the norm.

Always being available

This is the absolute worst thing you can do, guys, so make sure you find the right balance between giving her enough attention to show you’re interested and being completely whipped. Look, as men, we think it’s our duty to take care of our girl, but that doesn’t mean bending over backwards for them with every request they have. Whether it’s immediately replying to her text messages or canceling plans you told her you had with buddies to spend time with her, you never want to be so available.

Trying to define a relationship way too soon

Look, at some point, the two of you will have to define the relationship, but you’ll cross that bridge together when it’s appropriate. To avoid being desperate, you’ll want to make sure you’re not moving too fast or contradicting your words with different actions. Sure, you may really be into this girl and are looking for a relationship, but it’s got to be when you’re both comfortable, not when you decide it’s OK.