We all know that breaking up is hard to do, but, just when you think you’re over the heartache and back to being yourself, there are times when your ex gives off signs of wanting you back. It can be confusing, unfair and cause you some sleepless night, but, if it happens, what should you do?
As someone who had this happen to him in the past few months, where an ex-girlfriend continuously texted for a few months and drunkenly asked me to hangout when she was in town, I can tell you that there’s a lot of temptation to give into the request. Sure, she may not have been in full-blown “wanting me back” mode, but there were enough signs that proved she’s still interested in some sort of relationship.
Whether it’s a one-night stand (as mine would’ve probably been), or trying to work things out and get back into a relationship, here are some tips when trying to handle an ex-girlfriend who’s showing signs of wanting you back.
Think about how things ended the first time
Before you do anything, take a deep breath and gather your thoughts, trying to avoid the temptation of analyzing why your ex is reaching out in the first place. It’s tough to do, but it’s necessary not to overthink things. Now that you’ve done that, take your mind back to how things ended the first time. Was there cheating involved? Was there a big fight that led to the breakup? Was it months of unhappiness and incompatibility? If you’ve determined there are too many things that need to try to be worked out to have any sort of relationship, it’s probably not worth your time even entertaining the idea of talking.
Do you care enough to give them a chance?
After you’ve evaluated how things ended the first time, you need to ask yourself a very basic question: do you even care? If you’re happier being single or dating multiple people, your mind shouldn’t allow you to go back to someone who had their opportunity and didn’t take full advantage of it. Sure, we all have regrets in life, especially in relationships, but just because you weren’t the perfect boyfriend doesn’t mean you’re to blame for the breakup the first time. If you really just don’t need this person in your life at all, don’t open up the possibility of letting them back in your life.
Talk to friends and family
You’ve done some self-reflection, now’s the time to open up opinions of people you trust in your life. That means reaching out to friends and family to see what they think might be going on, helping you determine why the hell your ex is giving signs of wanting you back in the first place. They’ll help keep you level headed and not get too caught up in the past, reminding you of how unhappy you were towards the end of the previous relationship. Basically, they’ll keep you honest, and, hopefully, tell you to either go for it or avoid the situation altogether.
Determine if you can ever trust your ex again
No matter how the previous relationship ended, there’s going to be a level of trust that you may never feel comfortable with between the two of you. Your ex-girlfriend may be telling you how much they miss you, want to see you, would love to catch up and all that, but does it feel organic or seem forced? Trust is one of the key traits in every relationship, and if you find yourself doubting things your ex is saying or doing, don’t move forward with opening yourself up to being hurt down the line.
Evaluate what you want
Above anything else, you need to determine what’s going to make you happiest. Sure, there are old memories with your ex that are running through your mind if she is showing signs of wanting your back, but slow down and think of the entire relationship you two had, and evaluate it from a high level. Think about who you were, who she was and if you tried to make one another better. If you’re digging deep for reasons why this person should be let back in your life, you probably already know the answer.
Simply ignore them
Above everything else, you may just determine your ex-girlfriend isn’t worth your time or drama. As my old barber once told me while I was going through my situation, “sleeping or getting back with your ex is like putting on dirty underwear after a shower.” You may not even need to go through any of the above steps to determine what you really want, so simply ignoring them will, hopefully, give your ex-girlfriend a hint that you’re not interested in having any type of relationship moving forward. Her loss.