It’s unfortunate when it happens, but bad sex does occur in plenty of relationships. Hey, it’s OK, because it can be fixed, but how exactly do you tell your girlfriend she’s bad in bed? 

When your girlfriend is bad in bed and it’s frustrating you more than you’d like to admit, telling her that things aren’t up to par can be one of the most difficult things to talk about. In fact, it can be downright terrifying, as your mind immediately goes to a negative place, assuming it will lead to an argument, or worse, a full-fledged breakup.

But take some deep breaths, guys, because if bad sex is happening in your relationship, you can tell your girl how you feel without triggering her. How? Simply follow some of the tips below and see how you can turn something difficult and negative into something that you’ll both enjoy working on together.

Is the bad sex really impacting your relationship?

Before you speak up, make sure that the bad sex is the root of the issue and not something else that’s going on in your head or between you and your girlfriend. Sometimes, we often want to deflect a bigger issue by focusing on sex because we want to use it as an escape from normal relationship problems. That said, if the poor sex really is the one thing you can’t help but gripe about, then you need to speak up sooner rather than later.

If so, is it worth it to see the fallout?

OK, so you’ve decided the bad sex in the relationship is really bothering you and bedroom time isn’t what you think it should be. Now’s the moment of truth: go speak your mind, but be ready for the fallout. Nobody likes being told they’re bad at anything, but telling a girl she’s bad at sex is like watching a bull go wild in a China shop — messy. She’s going to have a flood of emotions, so be prepared to help her by supporting your decision, listening to her and answering her questions honestly with sensitivity.

Don’t just think it’s going to get better

You can take the difficult road, talking to your girlfriend, or the easy road, ignoring the problem and being unhappy in the sack; which one do you want? By nature, we like to ignore problems and just assume they’ll get better on their own, but, when it comes to bad sex in a relationship, it’s so important to broach the topic early on in a relationship and allow both of you to satisfy fantasies. Who knows, maybe the “bad sex” you’r referring to is just her uncomfortable to explore different positions or kinks with you because she’s afraid you might react negatively. You never know till you talk about it.

Be sensitive about the topic

Speaking of sensitivity, understand that talking about bad sex in a relationship is going to be tough, but it’s necessary to communicate issues with your significant other, so it’s part of the territory while dating someone. That said, once you break the news to her about your feelings, understand that she’s going to be upset, so maintain focus on what the conversation is truly about, avoiding any other issues, finger pointing or accusations.

Offer solutions and listen to what she has to say

As mentioned above, sometimes, all it takes is opening up your feelings and talking about how the sex could be better, and understanding that you both feel as if you’ve been holding back a bit. For instance, you might love the feeling of anal sex, but you just assume your girl won’t be into it because of the stigma around it. If you talk to her about it, she may just be into it as much as you are. That may seem extreme, but, regardless, you need to talk solutions on how to make the bad sex better, working together to do so.