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First dates are never an easy thing to prep for, but, alas, we all have to suck it up, put forth our best effort and roll with the punches. Problem is, whether or not it turns out good or bad, there are (usually) other people around to witness the whole thing go down. Sadly, some of the most prominent spectators are servers, who are quick to pick up on the vibe when people are on a first date.

While that can be embarrassing in the moment, when those servers take to the Internet to share their stories about awkward first dates they’ve witnesses, it makes for some helluva funny experiences. Thankfully, we turned to Reddit to find some of the best (or worst?) first dates that servers saw in real life. Hopefully these aren’t things you’ve ever done, because, damn, they’re pretty cringeworthy.

  • “I had two men sat near each other at two separate tables, both waking for their dates. I fill water glasses and let them know I’ll check in with them when their dates show up. Time passes. And passes. And both men start looking around and checking their phones. About 20 minutes later I check in and ask either of them if they’d like a beer. I bring out the drinks and on my next round the men are sitting in silence together at the same table for the rest of their stay. Kinda sad but at least they both had a drinking buddy?”

  • “My shift began at 7pm and when I arrived at the bar at 6, my manager told me there’s a guy who wanted to propose to his girlfriend at this bar and he wanted me to help him with it. I said ‘Sweet, no probs.’ so the manager gave me a ring and told me to put it on top of her drink. Fast forward to the date, the girl was wearing normal thing you would see at the bar, low cut top, black skirt and heels and shit. The bar was pretty busy. She ordered a Long Island (fuck you Laura), so I put the ring on the straw and hand it to him. She had the ‘What the fuck mate?’ look and then he dropped on his knees. Our manager put on some romantic songs. To my surprise she threw the drink at the poor bloke and ran out of the bar. Later I came to know that it was their second date.”

  • “I greet this couple with 2 kids. Say my usual, ‘How are you guys doing today?’ The man says ‘great’ the wife then looks at her husband and screams ‘You’re such a fucking liar, we’re not great!'”

 

  • “This regular at the diner I worked at, used to skype with his mail order Thai bride while he ate. We had free wifi… He would set up his tablet across from him, and converse with her as if she was sitting across from him eating a cobb salad in the diner. It was actually kind of sweet, minus the fact that he was 60ish and she seemed about 18.”

 

  • “A young couple were enjoying themselves. Seems like the dude was pretty cool and straight forward and she seemed to enjoy his sense of humor. But then the food came. Young man kept talking with his mouth full, chewing loudly. Spitting food out onto the table unintentionally but noticeably. Wiping his hands on his clothes. She looked grossed out. She stopped eating told him she had to use the rest room. Never came back. After a half hour he got the hint and asked for the check. I really felt sorry for the kid because he didn’t realize what he did wrong. My manager owed me a favor so I asked him to cover the check. Told the dude it was on me and let him leave.”

 

  • “A couple that frequented our restaurant had recently divorced.. hubby comes in with new girl while ex wife is dining with friends, well within eyesight. She kept asking me to get details for her and it was just messy.”

 

  • “Older, balding, slob of a guy comes in. Younger, mildly attractive woman shows within 10 minutes or so.They order drinks. They don’t seem particularly interested in talking with me(you get to where you can read these things) so I leave them be. Like I said, it was a slow afternoon so I busy myself doing odd stuff around the bar. While doing this I pretty much hear everything they said. Turns out he is a bail bondsman. Her husband/boyfriend was in jail and she didn’t have the money to post bail. He basically offered to cover it if she slept with him. She was crying her eyes out. After 15 minutes or so of pleading/crying she finally got up and left. The scumbag finished his drink and left. I wanted to vomit.”

 

  • “About 3 years ago I was working at a nice restaurant in the French Quarter it was Mardi Gras and I’m used to seeing some unusual shit but not at “nicer” places. Anyway I’m going back to the table after delivering food and the girl is blowing the guy right then and there. She’s not even hiding under the tablecloth like in the movies. Bonus: This restaurant has floor to ceiling windows facing the street. I wasn’t the only one who got to see all this.”

To see the full thread, head on over to Reddit — and take some notes on what not to do, guys, because these are miserable. Now go forth and try to learn from these so you can kill it in your next first date!

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