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A first date is supposed to bring optimism and have you excited about spending time with someone else, with (possibly) hope that it could be your last first date ever. While that may seem heavy, it’s true, since, most of us, go on dates with the hope of a relationship coming in the end.

Unfortunately, as we all know, a first date is only as good as the two people on it, though. And that’s where things can be tricky, because, as we’ve all probably experienced before, not all first dates are great. That’s why we often write about them so much, giving you guys everything you need to know about how to nail a first date without over-thinking the damn thing.

From creative first date ideas to what to wear to what topics to talk about, we’ve talked a lot about what you can do to make it as successful as possible. Thing is, that’s all useless if the person sitting across from you is a dud, which is why we’ve decided to give you some first date red flags to look out for.

You’ve probably seen some of these in your time dating and just sort of ignored them. But we’re here to remind you to stop being the nice guy following a first date and cut things off if you recognize one or more of these signs, because it could end up saving you a lot of time.

Your first date only talks about herself

A first date is about revealing a little bit about yourself and trying to determine if the person you’re with is compatible with you. But a first date shouldn’t be about only one person owning the conversation and talking about themselves nonstop, not allowing the other person to even get a word in.

Sure, some people are more comfortable talking than listening, but on a first date, it’s supposed to be time to figure out what you like about the other person, not try to understand everything about them. If you find yourself in this situation, mark it down as a red flag to cut things off afterwards, because the person sounds either way too into themselves or totally insecure about something.

Your first date cries

People get emotional, there’s no problem with that. But on a first date? Well, probably not the best look if you’re trying to make a good impression on the person you’re with.

Even if your first date cries at a movie that you’re watching, it’s never OK to have happen or find excuses for them, because you’re put in an awkward situation, left not knowing what to do next. Oh, and bonus red flag if your first date happens to cry when drunk over something that has nothing to do with you at all. We’ve heard of this happening before, and it’s definitely never OK to have happen.

She’s talking about marriage or kids on a first date

Having ambitions of marriage and starting a family is great when you’re in a relationship with someone and know one another, but not within a couple hours of hanging out on a first date. This is borderline reason to completely block another person from talking again, because, point blank, it’s just too soon to even mention.

Even if the conversation goes towards that angle, where you’re both talking about thoughts on kids, you need to quickly maneuver your way out of that and change the topic. Those types of things are not meant for a first date, and, if the person you’re with thinks otherwise, wish them luck and move on, because they’re putting way too much pressure on this whole dating thing.

Your first date is rude to others… including you

Being playful and flirty is one of the best things about going on a first date, because you can (hopefully) find some common ground to joke about. It’s a different level when you go on a first date and the person’s questioning your character, belittling you for something or being rude to anyone. That’s showing their true colors, so get out of dodge as fast as you can.

There have been people who are willing to give someone a few strikes, but, remember, you don’t need to be the nice guy, so don’t put up with someone who treats others with such disrespect. You’re better than that, and so are the people your first date’s being rude towards, so this is a definite sign you should avoid this person at all costs moving forward.

Your first date just can’t stop talking about her ex

Ah, yes, the first date who says she’s moved on but just can’t stop talking about her ex. It’s one of the more classic situations that come up on bad first dates, and, when it does, it makes things really difficult to try and change the topic.

Whether it’s the simple question of when a person’s last relationship was, to a song coming on at the coffee shop you two are at triggering a memory of her ex, there’s just no room for previous relationships coming up in a first date. If they truly haven’t moved on, they shouldn’t be using other people to vent to or to try and get them out of their rut, they should be finding themselves and, if necessary, talking to a therapist about what they can do to move on.

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