Sex on the first date. Should you have it or should you wait? It’s the age old dilemma that we keep second guessing. First impressions count, down from what you’re wearing, to where you go and importantly, whether you put out. Nobody wants to make a mistake which affects the rest of the relationship – but what do you do?

First dates make everybody nervous. Why wouldn’t they? You don’t yet know the person and you’re about to start a new connection. Depending on where you’ve met the girl, you may know more or less about her and her preferences. This can often help you decide.

When you meet online, this gives you a distinct advantage in finding out what’s going on. Whether you meet on a normal dating site or something that’s more obvious about sex is a key starting point.

Some girls might want to date and get to know somebody before a relationship becomes physical. Whereas others may well want to have sex on the first date. You – well, you know more what you want to do but how do you communicate and act on it?

Look & Listen

When you meet a girl that you’d like to go on a date with, chances are you’ll be a bit nervous. You’re not sure what it’s going to be like or what she’ll say or do. But you do probably know a bit about her depending on how you’ve first made contact.

If you meet on a normal dating site which prioritises relationships over sex, pay attention to this. It’s quite likely that she wants to get to know you first rather than wanting to have sex on the first date. Look at her profile and listen to what she says.

If a woman wants to have fun, she’ll probably admit to that rather than starting a relationship with one sole purpose. Instead, if she is telling you that she wants to take things slow and get to know each other, no matter how flirty she may be, listen to what she is saying.

It’s easy to misread signals or think that women want something different from what they’re saying. But you don’t want to make the mistake of working on an assumption. Being a good listener is a big bonus point and women will appreciate you being respectful of their wishes.

Body language

60% of human communication is non verbal, to quote Will Smith in Hitch. Now while that figure may not be strictly true, the point is. While we speak aloud, our bodies tell another story.

Now a woman might be flirtatious or even affectionate on a date, but neither of these things are saying she wants to have sex on the first date. Equally, you may be flirty with her but not want to have sex yet either. Or perhaps both of you do want to have sex at some point, but not today.

When you go on a first date, you need to listen to what a woman is saying. But you should also look at how she’s acting. For example, if you’re standing close to her and getting into her personal space, is she moving away from you subtly? If so, you need to step back.

Here, her body language is telling you that she’s uncomfortable being so close. Look and listen, then act accordingly. In contrast, is she touching your hand across the table or trying to get closer to you? Yes, she’s showing affection and interest but I hate to say it, neither of these necessarily mean she wants sex.

Women can be complicated creatures. Although we’d also say that men are more complex than us. You argue that we say one thing and mean another and I admit that’s also sometimes true.

But regardless of what is or isn’t being said, body language is an important thing to pay attention to during a date. It’s especially important to factor this in when deciding whether to approach a girl in the first place. 

To have sex or not to have sex on the first date?

That is the question and only you really know the answer to that. You have to go with what you feel comfortable with while also considering what you want from the date. If you’re just wanting to have sex with someone who you don’t want to see again, arguably the future doesn’t matter. Although you should think twice before having casual sex, not just for your sexual health but for the emotional implications of it.

When you want to develop something more serious, you want to make a good first impression. Starting in the way you mean to continue is a good policy. You don’t want to start off on the wrong foot and if something is worth having, surely patience is a virtue.

They do say good things come to those who wait. View the first date as an interview, you’re meeting someone and deciding whether you have enough in common and enjoy their company enough to have a second date.

The second date can then give you a chance to relax and get familiar without all the nerves of a first date. At this point you should know if you’re liking this girl enough for date number three. You don’t yet really know this girl or if she’s going to be a casual girlfriend or your future wife. Now isn’t the time to try for a cheeky bit of fun, you don’t want to mess things up.

Take things slow and steady, getting to know someone and being sure that you’re on the same page will make it better when you do get intimately acquainted! Building up the anticipation and gradually easing into intimacy can make the exploration all the more pleasurable.

It is obviously up to you what to do but you should only ever do what you feel comfortable with and check that your partner is also comfortable. Never assume that sex is on the cards and if in doubt, don’t is a strong motto to follow.

First dates should be a fun introduction, you can’t yet commit to what’s next as you don’t know what the future holds. After all, good things come to those who wait! What do you think? Should you be having sex on the first date?