Sex is supposed to be a connection between two people who enjoy pleasing one another. But, as we know, that’s not always what happens. Unfortunately, whether you’re a guy or girl, some people tend to be a little bit more selfish in the bedroom, with one person receiving more, while the other is giving more.

That’s not always a bad thing, of course, as some people enjoy being the person who’s getting their partner off. However, things can become a problem when the other person totally gets ignored, which can lead to bad performance, sexual anxiety and frustration because communication isn’t great.

Sure, it feels awesome if you’re a guy and you get your girl off all the time, but if she leaves you hanging, don’t you think it’s time to speak up and remind her that sex is supposed to be about both of you getting off? Note: The answer is yes.

Since there are people out there who come into the bedroom with no intentions of giving during sex, we’re giving you some signs you might want to look for in order to decide if it’s time to say something to better improve the experience. So, don’t be afraid to speak up, guys, because you deserve to get off, too.

Is your partner just trying to get to sex and skip foreplay?

Believe it or not, foreplay is one of the most important parts about sex, as it helps get the juices flowing and turn each other on. When foreplay isn’t a main focus during a sexual experience, it’s like going for a run before stretching, knowing all too well that you’ll feel awful throughout the entire thing.

While there are reasons why some people skip foreplay — like if they’ve never done it in the past or if a guy is worried about his stamina — it’s important to understand when someone’s being selfish and rushing into sex instead.

If your girl skips the whole thing and just wants to have sex, it might mean that she’s lacking an emotional connection with you, or doesn’t trust you doing anything but penetrating her. That’s a major problem in and of itself, but it’s even worse when she’s expecting everything from you, and doesn’t want to touch you below the belt either.

During sex, is your partner turned off by taking care of you?

Let’s face it, if your girl is terrified to touch you during sex, or just grossed out by it, that usually means she’s only thinking about herself. It’s one thing to skip foreplay for some reason, but if she’s unwilling to give you oral sex or touch you in other ways, it’s a problem that you need to talk to her about.

Worse than not touching you at all is this: she makes fun of you for asking about certain things during sex. That can be oral sex, roleplaying or a sexual fantasy, among other things. If she belittles you when asking about these, you’ve got a selfish person on your hands.

One last sign that she might be selfish during sex is this: After orgasm, does she turn over? If so, that’s typically a good indication of what she’s thinking about, showing that she’s disinterested in any touching, cuddling or kissing orgasm.

Do they measure great sex by orgasm?

We all want to leave our girl with an orgasm by the end of sex, but it’s not always achievable. If your girl only measures your sexual performance by if she gets off, well, you guessed it, she’s probably being a little selfish.

Sexual anxiety is very real, and when you’re getting unnecessary pressure from a girl about giving her an orgasm or not, it can lead to your performance lacking. Plus, she should enjoy pleasing you, too, even if that means that she didn’t get off at all.

Is your partner bragging about your sex life?

It’s great to feel special and like a stud during sex, but if your partner’s bragging to friends about your sex life, that can mean she’s completely ignoring how that makes you feel. Look, most guys are OK with a girl telling her friends that he’s good in bed, but not all of them, especially if she’s sharing dirty details without ever talking to you about it first.

Being selfish during sex has plenty of different forms, but when she’s praising you for getting her off, that’s one that you should definitely monitor and address — assuming you’re not comfortable with it. Think about it, when you’re being treated like a piece of meat for your sexual performance and not for how special you make her feel in other ways, is that really a relationship you want to be in?

What can you do to approach a selfish sex partner?

Since sex is about communication, energy and a connection between people, there are some things you can do to help alleviate a selfish partner in the bedroom. Some of them are easier to do than others, but here are a few things that you can consider doing.

Identify your needs

We all have different needs during sex, so you need to figure out what it is that you like the most in order to have the best experience. Is it increasing foreplay? Is it minimizing foreplay and just getting to penetration? Is it role playing or having sex in an exotic place? Ask yourself what it is you like and bring those up to your partner.

Communicate those needs

OK, now that you’ve got your needs down, it’s time to man up and bring them up to your partner for the next time you have sex. This might be the hardest part, because, for a lot of people, they assume that good sex means getting off — but sex is so much more than that. Good sex is knowing how to take care of one another, which means talking about what does and doesn’t feel good.

Use positive re-enforcement

Don’t be afraid to compliment your partner on trying new things, as this will encourage them to do those more, while giving them confidence at the same time. In some cases, your partner may not know that she’s being selfish, so addressing the issue and talking to her about it, while also telling her how much you appreciate things, will only make your sex life that much better — for both of you.