When it comes fights with your girlfriends, these are the worst things you can say in an argument. They agitate the situation, come from the heat of the moment, and honestly, there’s really no way of stopping.
So what are the worst things you can say in an argument and why?
- “Calm down!” Have you ever tried telling a woman to calm down during an argument? It’s like throwing gasoline, wood and a sacrificial lamb onto the fire. Why does this phrase have such a negative effect? Well basically, you’re insulting your partner. At least, that’s how she sees it. She sees it as you not taking her seriously, thinking she’s getting hysterical and showing signs you’re not listening to her. Non of these things may be true, and calming down really would be the for the best. But to actually get your girlfriend to calm down, you’re going to have to show her you’re willing to listen to her and make her feel ok about expressing what it is she think is a problem.
- “Whatever, fine.” Sometimes an argument seems inevitable and you want to avoid it as much as possible, so you try and finish it before it starts. This phrase however won’t help, as it shows you as being dismissive and although you’re dropping the subject, neither have you have actually worked on it. She might take it as you simply not caring.
- “Let’s just drop it.” In the same vein as before, although your intentions are to show you wanting to stop the fight, it could instead be taken as you not caring. You want your partner to feel that she can come to you when there’s a problem, and that you can both work through it together to improve your relationship. Why not try and call a time out, to give both of you space to breath. Make sure the emphasis is on both of you, to show that you’re in it together.
- “Why is this so hard?” Relationships are hard. This is definitely one of the worst things you can say. Things like this means you expect them to be easy and you won’t work on them when there’s difficulty. It implies you expect better from your relationship, but to get better you need to work. If your relationship does feel like it’s more difficult than it should be, maybe look into seeing a relationship counselor together.
- “I should just leave.” It’s understandable that in bad arguments sometimes you just want to get out. You can’t see a good way for them to resolve themselves, and you don’t want to keep fighting. Leaving would mean that all stops. It could also be a sign of you abandoning your partner when the going gets tough. It could also be seen as a form of emotional manipulation, where you force your partner into thinking that maybe you’ll break up over this unless they agree with you on whatever the issue is. In a healthy relationship, each partner should be there for the other person, and no matter how upset you get, threatening to leave isn’t the answer.
- “You always do this!” It’s a common accusation in fights, along with “You never..” and one thing it always does is puts your partner on the defence. You’re already accusing them, and the phrase makes it sound like it’s a long standing problem with them. Instead, try to be more tactful, voicing things more personally. You can use phrases like “I’m worried that you can can often do this.”
- “Oh that’s just great.” It shouldn’t need to be said, but passive aggressive sarcasm isn’t going to do you much good. Sometimes we get fed up and tired and things have gotten ridiculous, but you’re not helping the situation with this phrase and you could end up opening a whole can of worms you didn’t want to.