A friend of mine recently came to the realisation that a lot of his exes seemed to look the same. Same height, hair colour, face shape and even mannerisms. After asking around, I found that this is quite a common occurrence for both men and women. So why do all my exes look the same?

Firstly, you’re probably being a little bit paranoid. Sure you can have a type, and the fact is, most people have several types. So when you think “Wow, this new girl looks exactly like one of my exes!” you’re only comparing the two of them. It’s not as if the past five women you’ve dated have been identical. You’re only noticing the current person to one previous ex.

Secondly, there aren’t that many traits to go around. If you’re 5’10 and you like women shorter than you, then you could easily say “All my exes have been quite short!” because non of them have been over 6′. But being short in this sense could refer to millions of women. The same applies to blondes, redheads, curvy, wears glasses ect.

As an example, if you have a thing for women under 5″6, with blonde hair and small breasts, there’s certainly plenty of women that can fit that bill. Because you’re already attracted to this type, and since there are lots of women that fit into the description, you’re likely to date more than one person that ticks those boxes.

Now, lets say three of your 5 exes have all been exactly 5″4, have shoulder length black hair, a mole one their right shoulder, and a lazy left eye – that might be a little more weird. The chances of that happening are slim of course. If you split the similarities into singular things, it doesn’t sound so weird. Are there lots of women that are exactly 5″4? Yes. Are there lots of women who have shoulder length black hair? Yes. Are there many women with a mole on their right shoulder? No idea, but you probably didn’t notice the mole the first time you met her anyway. Are there many women with a lazy left eye? There’s a few of us, but you might subconsciously have a thing for lazy eyes!

There’s science behind it

If those points haven’t reassured you, then don’t worry, there’s also a science behind it! There’s been numerous studies to look into what we as a race finds attractive. A lot of people believe symmetry makes a better looking face. Others believe it comes down to pheromones, and that we’re attracted to people who’s pheromones subconsciously tell us that they’re a good genetic match.

A very interesting study recently concluded that our preferences may come down to our early experiences. For instance, we look for traits in people that were present in our first loves. We also shy away from people who have similarities to people who have hurt us in the past. The study showed that even identical twins ended up having difference preferences in partners, to disprove that it attraction is purely based on genetics.

I have a friend who has a real crush on girls who wear braces. This comes from the fact his first girlfriend, and also first blowjob experience, was from a girl who wore braces. My first boyfriend on the other hand was a redhead scotsman, a trait I’ve never dated since. It’s certainly an interesting theory, and that is has some basis of truth.

What it all really means

If you believe that your exes looking all the same goes beyond you just having a type, then what does it mean? The most obvious answer? You haven’t gotten over your ex. You miss them, and therefore want to find someone else to replace them. You’re probably thinking something like “but things were terrible with them! I would never want to experience that again!” However perhaps you’re not trying to find an exact copy of them, but instead you’re trying to find a better version of them. A 2.0 version.

If you don’t think that’s the reason, then perhaps you’ve been influenced by media. Media penetrates our daily lives in so many ways. Perhaps you’ve seen adverts of this one, really cute looking model who has a gap tooth. You now notice women with gap teeth much more than other women.

There are so many reasons why your exes could look the same. But when you start to really look for similarities, you’re going to find them. Everyone has something in common with someone else. If it worries you, try and instead think of all the differences they have. The best solution of course is to just appreciate your partner for who they are. It sounds corny, but it’s for the best in the long run.