How to give your phone number to a girl in real life? It’s one of those things that guys get pumped about because, deep down, they know that it’s a big deal getting to that point with a girl — no matter how often it happens. It’s a feeling of success, knowing that the girl has some general interest in you, and that you may just get a text or call at some point.

But, remember, just because a girl actually gets your phone number doesn’t mean she’s necessarily going to contact you — and it could be how you go about giving your digits to her that could be the key factor in that decision of hers. That’s right, fellas, there’s a right way to do this, and, if you come across too aggressively, you may never hear a peep from her.

I could go on about how I’ve messed this up, or how buddies have messed it up, or how tons of guys have messed up giving a girl their phone number. Instead, I’m just going to give you some do’s and don’ts that it’s time to follow if you want to actually hear from her at some point.

Do: Write it down

One thing you want to make sure you do when you give your phone number to a girl is to make sure she’s comfortable. That means you don’t just have her type it into her cell phone and hope that she saves it and texts at some point. I recently saw a guy ask a girl, “hey, why don’t I just put my number into your phone,” and had her reluctantly hand it to him to input the digits. If you want to come across as confident, write the number down and leave your name on it with a little note that says, “great meeting you at (blank) bar,” or something. It’s risky, but old school charm often works.

Don’t: Just swap phone numbers

In the age we live in, many people just get drunk at the bar and find themselves swapping numbers with a bunch of different girls. This might seem like the way to flirt and show interest in your 20s, but, as you get older, it’s absolutely ineffective. Remember that giving your number out to a bunch of people looks desperate, so be selective with which girls get it.

Do: Ask if she’s interested in getting your number

You’re both flirting and she seems interested in meeting up somewhere less stuffy, crowded or more laid back, so, before she walks out the door and you hope fate intertwines with seeing her again, simply ask if you can give her your phone number, leaving it up to her to decide whether or not she wants to contact you. This is always a good move if you’re torn between her being single or not, so that it doesn’t become awkward if you try to take the next step after all that flirting, only to find out she’s already taken.

Don’t: Leave it on a napkin for her to see

We’re not in high school anymore, guys, so grow a pair and actually approach a girl, charm her and see if she wants your phone number. We’ve all had those moments when we had a cute waitress and thought it’d just be so cool if we left our phone number on the bill, but you’ve moved beyond that, so definitely do not pull this move anymore.