Romantic gestures are meant to be nice ways to show someone that you care. Yet sometimes things you think are romantic can go wrong. Here we take you through the top 5 romantic gestures you might be doing which women actually find annoying instead!
Women can be difficult to figure out. Whether it’s trying to gauge how they’re actually feeling versus what they’re saying or knowing if it’s a hint, it can be tough. So when you plan a romantic gesture for your special lady, you want to be sure it’s going to be a success.
#1. Surprise visit after an argument
Recently a friend was telling me about how her boyfriend surprised her by visiting after an argument. For context, they live about 3 hours apart and see each other every few weeks. But this time they had an argument about how he seldom made the effort to come to her town.
Well it was a surprise then when she finished work and went home to find him sat in her house. Sure he had a spare key so it wasn’t exactly a break in but it was unexpected. He thought it would be a romantic gesture to show her he saw the error of his ways and to come and apologise in person.
It all turned out okay in the end but it wasn’t the most welcome surprise. Why? Because she wasn’t expecting him to arrive! Although this might sound like a hugely romantic gesture, turning up without notice isn’t always the coolest thing to do.
If your girlfriend already has plans then it can be awkward if you gatecrash her weekend. But even if she’s free, after an argument people often want space and time to cool down. Maybe it’s not a huge argument but even still, you should respect their right to have peace and quiet.
Plus while in the movies it may always appear romantic, it can be awkward and intrusive. If you do argue with your girlfriend and want to see her to discuss things, ask if she’s OK to meet you. Don’t just turn up out of the blue. Best case she’ll think it’s adorable but it can come across clingy and a bit too much to deal with and that;s why it deserves a spot on our annoying romantic gestures list.
#2. PDA: Public Declarations of Affection
Now John Legend may sing about PDA and get us all in the mood. Because honestly how can you not get in the mood when he sings? But PDA doesn’t appeal to everybody. Namely it can cause embarrassment or make for an awkward situation.
When you start dating somebody, you might want to scream it out loud to the world. But taking things slow often pays off. Instead of rushing into holding hands in public and blasting it over social media, talk about what you’re both comfortable with.
While physical affection in public might not be an issue, posting it online can often be too much too soon. It might seem like one of big romantic gestures to put up a status saying “In a Relationship with…” but announcing it to the world isn’t always popular.
Some girls like making it Facebook or Instagram official while others like me prefer to keep it offline altogether. Or instead decide to agree together when they want to make it “official” publicly once the relationship is established.
People have all kinds of reasons for this and it can be just as true for you as for your girl. Our advice is to make sure your romantic gesture isn’t annoying by checking that your girl is happy to be public knowledge before you do it. Chances are she’ll be flattered you’re loud and proud.
#3. Love Bites
I had to include love bites on the list of annoying romantic gestures, sorry! Why? Because unless you’re a massive Twilight vampire fan, having love bites all over your neck isn’t always that cool.
As a teenager, I remember the embarrassment of being caught with a hickie. Or seeing somebody else with one and knowing they’d been up to nooky. Love bites can be pleasurable to give or receive but having them on public display isn’t great.
When you have a job, making sure they can be covered up is important as it can often look unprofessional. While it’s pretty likely you don’t want your parents to see them. I mean, who really tells their parents they’ve got lucky? Nobody I know for sure!
It’s borderline whether it really counts as a romantic gesture but we’ll say that the romantic intentions are there. If you’re a wannabe vampire, check that your girl is happy to have a love bite before you give her one. Some women bruise easily and may not want a semi-permanent reminder of your frisky fun on their body.
Personally, while I like kisses and nibbles on my neck/chest, I really don’t like love bites. Simply because it can look bad on a girl if people spot them and remembering to cover it every time is a bit of a buzz kill. If you do give them, aim towards the back of their neck where it’s easier to cover it up with their hair down. Or place it low enough to be hidden by a blouse collar.
If your girl doesn’t like them, just kiss or nibble her lightly. You don’t have to leave a mark for the pleasure to be achieved. And if it is a bit pink afterwards, ice cubes or a toothbrush are your newfound friends…
#4. Surprising them at work
Now while it can be totally cute and sweet when your significant other visits you at work, you should proceed with caution. This again links to the whole PDA thing and depends on where they work and it totally goes on the list of the annoying romantic gestures.
If they’re in an office job then it probably isn’t as big an issue as if they work in retail or hospitality. Customer facing roles are more awkward because you calling in to say hello is usually on the shop floor. When customers are watching, any member of staff has to be on professional behaviour.
This means that your surprise visit can be awkward. As even if customers aren’t an issue, they can’t really snog you in front of their colleagues. She’ll be on edge and maybe a bit flustered by your surprise visit. While you can still call by, check with her that it’s provisionally OK before you do.
If she works in an office then it’s a bit different if it’s not customer facing but can still be awkward. After all, her colleagues and boss are likely to be nearby. We’d say again to check it’s OK to pop in rather than just turning up and even if it is OK, if she’s busy then wait until another time when she’s more free.
The fact that you want to see her at work will be sweet. But make sure you can both enjoy it by not calling in unexpected when it’s inconvenient or accidentally embarrassing her. If you’re not yet public, she may prefer to keep things discreet until she’s ready to tell her workmates about you. But equally she might want to keep her work life and her personal life separate.
#5. You’re better than my ex…
Guys, I shouldn’t need to tell you that most women hate being compared to your ex. Even the most confident woman doesn’t want to think about or worse feel compared to someone you’ve dated before. Telling her, “You’re the best in bed/Your cooking is so much better than hers was” etc isn’t the compliment she wants to hear.
We simply don’t want to think about other people you’ve dated. Not out of jealousy but largely because they’re part of your past. It’s not something we need to know about. While you might think it’s a compliment by telling us we’re the best girlfriend you’ve ever been in bed with. To us, it brings the unwelcome thought of other people you’ve slept with.
Chances are we don’t care about that normally. Your past is yours and it’s history. But if we have any insecurities, comments like this will make us overthink. And even if we’re not insecure, it’s not really a great compliment to give as it sounds generic.
If you want to say something like this, instead try to make it personal. I.e. “I really enjoy our intimacy because we feel so close” will mean more than saying, “You’re hotter than my ex.” While saying, “Your lasagne is my favourite dish” will again mean more than, “Your cooking is better than hers.”
That’s all folks… At least about annoying romantic gestures
Women and men are different and trying to understand the differences will help. While to you, your exes may be a thing of the past, to us, they can represent obstacles to the future. We might know that the relationship is great and you’re happy, but still feel uneasy at times.
Romantic gestures chosen well can absolutely impress a girl and make her feel special. But you should try to make sure that you mix things up a bit. Anything done too often can start to feel dull and a bit repetitive. So when you plan a surprise, change things sometimes and when you do visit her by surprise, make sure it will be a welcome one.