It’s been a while since I’ve done a relationship advice blog, but when I got an email from someone asking how to get over an ex, their story reminded me a lot of one of my past experiences and I think although everyone get’s over an ex in different ways, there are some universal tips for solving the question of “How do I get over an ex?”

Harriet pulling a face of bewilderment

Relationships are weird, and they come in so many different forms. Sometimes you’ll be “dating” a person and you won’t really consider it a relationship, sometimes you’ll be with someone who you think will be there for the rest of your life. Relationships are also scary because there’s always the chance that they’ll end, and sometimes you don’t want that.

My friend Jack, when I first met him, had left London and had come back to our home town after his girlfriend of three years broke up with him out of the blue. Completely out of the blue, and he was devastated because he had been planning on moving in with her and taking their relationship to “the next level”. When I first met Jack he was angry and very bitter towards women. He also slept around like crazy. He actually ended up in a very strong, stable relationship afterwards with one of the girls he was seeing in that period. So if you asked him “How do I get over an ex” he’d probably reply with “Sleep around with tons of people.”

On the other hand though, there is my friend Danny. Danny and his girlfriend have been on/off for a good 4 years now. Their relationship is passionate and loud. They fight, they break up, they miss each other, they kiss, the make up. Danny has since moved away to live with his girlfriend and things couldn’t be better for them. He would probably tell you “Don’t just be angry and cut off all ties, try and talk it out, see if there’s really no way of fixing it.”

I would say that after my worst break-up, I ended up facebook stalking my ex for ages, feeling jealous of any girls that popped up on his photos. I then went out more and took lots of photos with my male friends in the hopes that I would make him jealous. After a while, and I’m not sure when, I genuinely enjoyed just hanging out with my friends and taking photos without think about my ex.

The truth is, everybody goes through nearly everything at some point or another. It’s really entirely down to how you feel about your ex and exactly what you want to do about.

  • You should first talk to someone. That’s not to say moan and bitch about it publicly and to anyone within 100 meters, but it helps to get it off your chest. It’s good to unload any negative emotions, like anger and bitterness, straight away, and have someone who’ll be supportive.
  • You should get out and do stuff. Couples go out and do stuff all the time, and when you find yourself suddenly single, you might realise it’s been a while since you’ve really made the effort to get out and just chill out much with other people. You end up spending a lot of time alone wondering if you’re going to die in your flat and not be found for a week.
  • You don’t have to sleep with someone else straight away. Mindless sex isn’t always the answer, and often if can leave you feeling just as empty. Well, sometimes mindless sex CAN be the answer, but make sure you really think that and you’re not just doing it to drown your sorrows and feel big and confident again.
  • But don’t ignore interest from other parties either. You might have been dumped but that doesn’t make you undesirable. If someone is being flirty, it’s ok to flirt back. It’s also ok to take interest in new people, even if those interests don’t lead to relationship. You’ve got to remember you’re not worthless or unwanted.
  • Try not to facebook stalk your ex too much. Take it from me, it’s not healthy.
  • If you think being able to remain friends is possible, then do it. Keep in touch. If you don’t think you can, then be honest about that and don’t force yourself unneeded pain.

If all else fails, go to the gym, work on your body image, buy a new set of clothing once your body has become all fit and sexy, go to the club and pick up the hottest person there. Or marathon run all 10 seasons of Friends and be thankful you’ve not just divorced for the third time.