Contrary to popular belief, women aren’t all emotional creatures that wear their hearts on their sleeves. In fact, a lot of times guys have problems in the opposite direction. Here’s how to get your girlfriend to open up emotionally to you.

When you start dating someone, you want to learn as much about them as you can. As your relationship progresses, you start sharing deeper and more intimate things with each other. At least, that’s what normally happens.

When you are with someone who doesn’t open up to you emotionally, it can feel like something is wrong. It makes you question how well the relationship is going. It makes you feel more distant from your girlfriend.

But getting someone to open up to you is hard. Push them too much, too fast, and you could ruin the whole thing. There’s a balance between getting someone to come out of their shell, and having them retreat further into their shell.

How to get your girlfriend to open up

The first and most important rule for getting your girlfriend to open up to you is to be patient. The process of opening ip to someone is slow and steady. If the issues are big, then it’ll take longer.

First of all, you need to look into the reason why you want your girlfriend to open up to you, and what sort of time frame you’re expecting this to happen.

For instance, are you doing it because you want to be closer to her? Or are you doing it because you feel it’s a requirement for the relationship? It’s a subtle difference between the right reasons, and the wrong reasons.

Think about whether you are doing this for her, or for yourself. Because she might not be ready to open up. But even if that’s the case, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed in any way. People respond and act differently to each other.

Learning to listen

Listening is a really tough skill. Learning to listen to someone, and I mean really listen to them, is hard. It’s a lot harder to concentrate purely on another person and what they’re saying, without having your head run through personal experiences and coming up with good replies.

But learning to listen will be key into getting your girlfriend to open up to you. She might be giving you small chunks of information, to test whether or not she’s ready to fully open up or not. But if you’re not careful, you might miss the clues entirely.

Another good reason to be a good listener is because it will make your girlfriend feel more safe and relaxed. She needs to feel confident that whatever she does share is being taken seriously. It also shows you respect her.

Reassure her

It can be hard to open up to people, especially those close to you. It puts you in a position of vulnerability. Most people who are guarded probably have bad past experiences, and have learnt to be more cautious.

You need to reassure your girlfriend that she has nothing to fear from you. This means letting her know that there will be no judgement from your side to whatever she shares with you. It means you need to make her feel safe, loved and respected.

You also need to reassure her that you won’t push her to telling you more than she’s ready to.  There’s lots of reasons why she might feel she isn’t ready to share with you, and you need to be there to reassure her that her that you’re going to be willing to wait until she’s ready, and prove to her that you’re trustworthy.

Stay positive

It’s super important for your own health to stay positive through all of this. You need to remember that even if she doesn’t open up to you straight away, it’s not a failure on your part.

It’s important to remember the reasons why you are trying to get her to open up to you. Put her feelings first. It’s hard not to get frustrated and impatient, but good things come to those who wait.

You have to tell yourself that things will work out, and that you will be successful. Don’t give up, and know that it might take a lot of time. Be confident that your girlfriend is worth the work and the wait.