One of the most common mistakes all guys make is coming on too strong after meeting a girl. It’s sort of a catch-22 when it happens, too, as girls often say they want a dude who will give her attention and take care of her, but, if it happens too much too soon, they immediately get turned off. But, hey, isn’t that why relationships are so difficult?

As someone who has obviously made the mistake of coming on too strong himself, it’s important to learn from what you did wrong in the past and adapt as you meet more girls. That means you actually think before acting, refusing to text in the middle of the day or avoid making future plans with a girl who you’ve been dating for a month or so.

Since we all know that coming on too strong isn’t something girls want, here are ways in which you can avoid the problem and maintain a certain coolness and mysteriousness so not to turn the girl uninterested.

Don’t try too hard

No. 1 rule here, guys: do not, under any circumstance, think that you need to try harder than normal after meeting a girl you like. Sure, she might check off some of the boxes you’re looking for, but that doesn’t mean you need to go into full “future wife” mode or anything. This means playing it cool when it comes to planning dates, communicating and seeing one another. You need to evaluate each other and see if you’re both a good fit, not jump at the opportunity to make things too serious too soon.

Be chill about communication

You do not want to come across as needy or codependent, and that means you need to limit just how available you are to this new girl while communicating. For example, just because she texts you around lunchtime to see how your day’s going doesn’t mean you need to instantly reply. Sure, you may have seen the text and have your phone in hand, but play the game and don’t make yourself too available.

Don’t splurge too soon

You do not need to spend $100 on a first date… or a second date… or a third date. When you’re casually dating someone, to avoid coming on too strong, make sure you keep things as low key as possible without being straight up lazy. This means avoiding the whole Netflix and chill thing and calling it a date, but also not going to the nicest steakhouse in the city within the first month. It might be something you want to do, but save some money by seeing who she is while chowing on burgers or something rather than getting all dolled up. If you’re planning expensive or lavish things, she may be turned off right away.

Avoid the dramatic

No need to nitpick or bombard her with questions that may make her feel uncomfortable, guys. This means avoiding things like who else she’s talking with, how she feels about the relationship with you and what she’s ultimately looking for. Follow her lead and see how you feel based off of that. For instance, if she’s talking about babies together within the first few dates, that should be a red flag for you. Likewise, if you’re talking about trips together next summer, it’s only causing a false sense of reality that’s going to cause drama. Keep things chill, man.

Be honest, but not aggressive

One of the most common mistakes guys make when meeting a new girl is avoid voicing their feelings. Hey, it’s OK, we’re not necessarily trained to do such a thing. That said, it’s time to change that, so don’t be afraid to tell a girl how you actually feel about them. Of course, to avoid coming on too strong, make sure you’ve gotten to know the girl a bit before telling her you’re into her, but, so not to cause any confusion about what your purpose is with her, take the leap and tell her you enjoy spending time with her and hope to get to know her better.