When it comes to sex, we often think that we’re all built like pornstars who have the stamina and chops to do pretty much everything. Problem is, even if that’s the case, it can be difficult to communicate with your partner about what she may be comfortable with.
As we all know, honesty and trust are two of the most important traits in a successful relationship, and, when it comes to sex, those two things are just as critical. It’s not that you and your girl should be talking to one another while having sex, but you should understand what lines can and can’t be crossed, as well as what topics should even be brought up. That’s why knowing how to set boundaries early is the way to go.
Of course, it’s never easy doing that, which is why we’re here to help broach some of the topics and put some guidelines out there for a better sexual relationship. Trust us, your partner will be happy you solidify such boundaries.
Never assume anything
One of the worst things we do as humans is assume. Don’t lie to yourselves, because we’ve all been in a situation where we assume the worst or best, and then tend to react negatively when our intuition is wrong. When it comes to dating and healthy relationships, it’s important to avoid assumptions at all costs. That means you need to drop the guard and open up about what you and your girlfriend are looking for in the bedroom, avoiding the temptation to think she knows what you’re thinking or what you prefer. Being open and honest with one another will help eliminate such assumptions.
Don’t bring past issues into your current relationship
Our minds can be beautiful things, but, as we’ve all experienced before, at times, that very mind plays tricks on us by having us remember previous relationships. That can be a good thing, but not when it comes to setting boundaries in the bedroom with a current girlfriend. Similar to the whole assumption thing above, it’s necessary to avoid bringing past issues into a current relationship, as it could make you bitter and unwilling to be yourself. Not all girls are created equal, so just because one didn’t like something in the bedroom, doesn’t mean another will feel the same.
Be clear with what you want
When it comes to setting boundaries, be clear with what you really want from the relationship. That means being as honest with yourself (and your girlfriend) as possible, relaying why you feel what you do. For example, you may tell your girlfriend that you really want to try something kinky and adventurous like filming sex together. Rather than say it in the heat of the moment when her emotions are running high and there’s tons of sexual energy, ask her when there’s general flirtation outside of the bedroom first, making her understand that you’re serious about trying it. She may be a bit surprised, but she also may be really into it and just didn’t know how to ask you.
Communicate and set boundaries together
A relationship is about two people, so knowing how to set boundaries isn’t about just one of you getting what you want, it’s about both of you finding a good balance to be happy. That means you both get to bring issues and or ideas to the table, talk them out and figure out what’s acceptable and comfortable moving forward. This can be as simple as how often you two have sex to something more complex like understanding how to ask for anal sex without freaking your girl out. Again, the healthiest relationships have honesty and trust, and this is a big part of building that.
Speak up if your set boundaries are being crossed
Just because you and your girlfriend have set some boundaries in the bedroom doesn’t mean that that’s the end of the conversation. Yes, as difficult as it might have been to get through that first part, now you need to make sure you both live up to your bargain of the deal and respect the other’s boundaries. Look, you’ve both voiced your opinion and/or concerns, came to some resolution together and now need to make sure those boundaries aren’t crossed and the sexual relationship is something you both feel comfortable with.