Cuckolding’s something we’ve all either heard of or watched in porn, but, in my personal opinion, it’s probably nothing that many of us have ever wanted to participate in. That’s not to say it’s a bad thing, it’s just that cuckolding involves guys watching their girlfriend or wife having sex with another man — which isn’t something most people are into.
However, just because it may not be “normal” to some — whatever that means these days — it doesn’t mean that cuckolding isn’t something that lots of people are doing. In fact, it’s more popular than you might imagine, and, according to some studies, can even be positive for those relationships who take part in it.
While there’s a huge difference between being in an open relationship and actually getting turned on by watching someone else bang your girlfriend or wife, cuckolding is something that might have crossed your mind before, but you’re afraid with how to approach the topic with your girl. In fact, it’s something that my ex-girlfriend once talked to me about, and, whether because I was caught off-guard, a little jealous or not as wild as I might think, I didn’t take it too seriously.
For those interested in learning more about cuckolding, keep on reading, because I’ve got some details and info for you that will help uncover some facts about the sex act.
How is cuckolding defined?
Simply put, Merriam-Webster defines cuckolding as “a man whose wife has sex with someone else,” or “a man’s wife who commits adultery.” At first glance, those definitions seem pretty harsh, however, and doesn’t truly speak to what the popular sex act really is.
Sure, the physical act of cuckolding is sex. But it goes much deeper than that on an emotional level, because, while the wife may be having sex, cuckolding is something that’s often enjoyed by both the girl and guy in the relationship, with the man agreeing to offer up his wife/girlfriend as a way for both sides to be stimulated.
For instance, a man who has erectile dysfunction or, unfortunately, can’t have sex anymore, may have an agreement with his wife to have sex with other men in order for him to be turned on. That’s an extreme situation, but it does happen.
Isn’t cuckolding actually just cheating?
On the surface, yes, cuckolding can be defined by some people as simply cheating. But, as mentioned above, cuckolding isn’t someone sneaking behind the back of their boyfriend/husband and having a sexual or romantic relationship. It’s often something talked about by both people and agreed upon, making it an experience with one another rather than something negative.
In an article published by The Independent entitled “Inside The World Of Cuckolding: A Cuckold Explains All,” one man described his and his wife’s experience with cuckolding. Generally speaking, it seems to have been positive.
“It started as a fantasy, just thinking my wife might sleep with other men.”
The first time it happened, Cornudo met her wife’s new lover both before the date and when they returned before going up to the bedroom – Cornudo listened in from another room. “It was one of the most erotic things i’ve ever experienced. Knowing someone was in the next room with my wife was even more exciting than I’d imagined,” he explains.
“I don’t know why it excites me, it might be a submissive thing – maybe it’s the idea of another man taking what’s mine,” he suggests.
“The thought of it before it ever happened excited me and it’s even better than I thought it would be.”
In the example from The Independent, the man’s wife and him agreed that she can do anything she wants as long as she tells him about it. It’s why she’s been on dating apps and has gone out having sex with other men, which, as he stated, is an “exciting” thought for him. He also mentioned that their relationship has never been stronger.
How possible is it to hold back jealousy when cuckolding?
Like all sexual fantasies or acts, cuckolding isn’t for everyone. If one or both partners have any feelings of insecurity about having their significant other sleeping around, it can’t work out the way it’s intended to. That’s not to say cuckolding should be something that every couple even discusses, but, given how popular it has become, it may be something you and your girlfriend/wife are both thinking about already, you just don’t know how to bring it up without feeling ashamed.
According to a CNN article about cuckolding, the social stigma around the topic seems to have faded a bit in recent years. That’s from author David Ley — who wrote the book “Insatiable Wives”, which examines cuckolding in heterosexual relationships.
“This fantasy has been around as long as marriage and sexuality. But we’re hearing more and more about it these days, and more people are rejecting the social stigma against this fantasy.”
Furthermore, that same CNN piece mentioned just how popular cuckolding is becoming, as one survey referenced in that article showed that, of thousands of Americans surveyed, 58 percent of men and about one-third of women had fantasized about cuckolding.
And cuckolding can actually positively impact relationships?
Yep, according to the CNN piece, cuckolding can actually be a good thing for relationships — but it does have some contributing factors.
According to that research shown in that article, David Ley said he found that, when a relationship has “honesty, integrity, communication, mutuality and shared values,” cuckolding might end up being a positive thing for the overal relationship.
“Overall, our research found that for the most part, cuckolding tends to be a positive fantasy and behavior,” said Ley. “It doesn’t appear to be evidence of disturbance, of an unhealthy relationship, or of disregard for one’s partner.” But there’s an important caveat, added Lehmiller. “We found several personality factors that predict more positive experiences acting on cuckolding fantasies. For those who have a lot of relationship anxiety or abandonment issues, who lack intimacy and communication, and who aren’t careful, detail-oriented planners, acting on a consensual non-monogamy fantasy could very well be a negative experience,” he said. “In other words, not everyone who has a cuckolding fantasy should think about acting on it.”
Naturally, jumping into the deep end when just starting a cuckolding relationship isn’t suggested. Things should go slow and both people in the relationship should be honest and open about any sexual desires, so not to lead to confusion. But, when done properly, cuckolding can lead to a positive impact, which is something many people may not have ever imagined.