Ah. The ever relevant “how long do I wait” question. This is a funny part about relationships and dating, something that everyone seems to go through at some point in their lives and also a big feature in what people consider part of the “dating game”. How long do you wait to reply to a text? How long before you ask someone out again? Am I being too clingy? Does the other party like me?! I’ll try and tackle these questions today.

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The dating game is a load of bull. Honestly, I hate it. I think it’s ridiculous that when you meet someone, you have to wait three days before texting them. Why? Because if you do it before, you’ll be coming on too strong and clingy and scare them away. That’s what people think right? So we end up with this situation where people are left trying to both act cool about it. But you know where that leaves us? Confused. Everyone ends up confused because we’re all playing a game.

If we all know this, and we all think it’s silly, then why do we do it? We do it to protect ourselves, because maybe even if we like them a lot, they might not feel the same way. Then you’ll have embarrassed yourself. By playing it cool or playing hard to get, it gives us a sense that we are in control of the situation, that we’re in control of our feelings and emotions and by keeping a certain distance we also protect our feelings early on. No one, after all, likes rejection. Plus, as far as I can tell, everyone plays the game and it’s very hard not to play it when someone else is.

Let’s say you met someone, maybe at the bar, you both hit it off really well, amazing vibes,  and at the end of the night you manage to get her number. Now the question is, do you call or do you text? Calling feels a little bit intimate, and what if you come across as a little bit stalker-y? I mean, does anyone call anyone these days anyway?! Who does that? Ok, so text it is. But wait! If you text the morning after, doesn’t that mean you’re coming on too strong? And what if she didn’t really like you last night, what if it was just all those apple martinis? Three day rule then, text her in three days. Because that’s a normal response time, to know you’re not crazy about her, but yeah, drinks some time would be nice, but like, no pressure. Now err, how long before she replies? Is it a sign that she’s crazy if she replies straight away? Is she a bit too desperate? What if she doesn’t reply ever? What if maybe she really didn’t like you?

That’s kinda the though process I had when I used to do those sorts of things. I used to worry a lot about texting guys or girls. I used to worry I was coming on to strong, i’d jump at my phone text alert and then try very hard not to reply straight away. Then, one day, I thought to myself “this is ridiculous.” Because if I like someone enough to be really excited about them, then what’s wrong with that? And I LIKE talking to them, and texting them. The best times are when you can hold a conversation for hours. Here’s the thing, if you like someone, it’s obvious you want to meet up with them again. I think for the same way as asking someone out the first time, you just gotta take courage and ask them out the second time too. Because wanting to find out about someone you like is very normal.

A good relationship isn’t about mind games, or power control. Unless you’re into that and it’s kind BDSM-y. A good relationship is built up on trust and understanding, and that can’t happen if you both start out being dishonest with your feelings. Sometimes putting yourself out there means you get hurt, sometimes maybe she really wasn’t all that into you. But for me, those paths never lead anywhere anyway. If you like someone, and you think they’re amazing, and they give you warm feelings, you should just be honest and let yourself have fun. Call them, flirt with them, meet up for that goddamned second coffee! Go do it now!