I’ve been married for two years. I’ve been having problems getting it up all the time. Usually with other girls it’s no problem cause the relationship is always new. How do you keep getting hard for a girl that you’ve been with for so long now, sex isn’t really that exciting anymore?
Couples who have been together for a long time often find themselves drifting apart sexually. It’s very common and happens to almost everyone, once you’ve gotten into a routine, you lose the initial spark and excitement that was there at the start of your relationship. I’ve got some tips and advice on how to kickstart your sex life again in long term relationships.
There are many reasons why over time your relationship has dulled sexually, and there’s very rarely one big, obvious problem. Instead, you need to look at the small things, which when stacked together, make sex less fun and more chore like.
The first, and most easily identified is the fact you’re no longer sexually attracted to your partner. It might be easy to jump to the conclusion that you’re simply bored after being with the same person for so long. Studies have shown however that couples in long term relationships start to care less about their appearances in front of each other, and no longer go the extra mile to impress their partner. This is completely understandable. As your relationship grows and becomes more stable, you start prioritising other things.
However appearances place a huge part to you and your partner’s attractiveness. It’s physically more appealing, but also psychologically as we realise “this person has made a real effort to attract me” and get that little ego boost. Try to compare how much effort you made in your appearances for your first date, compared to you’re last date.
On that note, when was your last date? A lot of couples in long term relationships stop delegating time to go out together on “date nights”. Couples that move in together, and long term married couples have also been found to go out less together. With the hustle and bustle of life, it’s hard to set aside time, but it’s important as a couple to really dedicate a time when you give your full attention to your partner.
Try to arrange a date night soon, and surprise your partner by planning something extra special. Dress to impress, buy some flowers and reserve that table at that place you’ve both been wanting to visit forever. Other ideas is to plan a secret weekend away, maybe a spa retreat of a hike in the mountains. The goal is to find time to relax together and enjoy each other.
There are also lots of ways to spice up your sex life, by adding new elements to it. This may be anything from incorporating elements of kink, such as bondage and blindfolding, to simply trying out a new position or a risqué place. You should talk to your partner and try to have an open conversation, asking them if there’s anything they’ve ever fantasied about. You in turn should also open up and share anything you’ve ever wanted to try out. Role-playing and costumes can also be a great way to refresh things in the bedroom.