“Sex with car” is not something that we typically search for in Google, but, alas, when you actually do it, there are a hell of a lot of results. In fact, we use a certain tool that helps compile popular search terms to see what people are looking for and, whether totally F’ed up or not, Internet users are Googling “sex with car” a whopping 74,000 times a month. What in the hell is wrong with society?
All that aside, when people think about sex and a car, they typically imagine getting down and dirty in the back seat or something, not, you know, getting physically intimate with the piece of metal. However, some people have, uh, interesting fetishes that lead them to do some wild things, and one man — 23-year-old Ryan Malek from Kansas — would fall under that category.
According to reports, per Motherboard, Malek was first tased and then arrested by authorities after he was found to try and stick his penis inside the tailpipe of a car — which, apparently, is frowned upon. He was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior since he was doing so in public.
Here’s some more detail about the very interesting situation, per Motherboard.
In May, someone at an apartment complex saw a man scuffling around in the parking lot, under a car. That person called 911, and when the cops arrived, they found a dude fuckin’ a car. Malek didn’t stop. The cops tased and arrested him, and took him to the hospital, and later found that his blood alcohol level was at four times the legal limit.
The whole thing was seen by six people, plus cops, which was where the real crime took place — since those (very unfortunate) spectators saw Malek “unlawfully, intentionally and publicly exposed a sex organ in the presence of another person” without their consent. Bummer, man.
While having sex with a car might seem like a one-time deal, it’s actually a rare fetish known as mechanophilia — which includes sexual attraction to bikes, helicopters, ships and planes. And, as we stated above, apparently, 74,000 of you know something we don’t, because “sex with car” continues to be Googled time and time again.
In an even more extreme case of someone trying to bone an automobile, per the Telegraph, via Motherboard, a man in Washington state claims he’s boned as many as 1,000 cars. He was so obsessed with the idea that, in the Telegraph piece, he admitted to being in a serious relationship with a Volkswagen. Kind of a different German than most of us would be used to.
All of this car banging is too much for our minds to handle. So, bottom line is this: Don’t have sex with cars, it doesn’t seem to lead to good results for anyone.