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Understanding how to last longer in bed can be tricky, because there are tons of different tips that guys hear or read about that may or may not actually work for them. From kegel exercises to taking supplements, to not masturbating enough to going old school and trying to think of chairs while having sex, we’ve probably all tried a number of these tricks.

Well, whether you stand by these habits, don’t believe in them or have something that works for you, don’t think think not knowing how to last longer in bed means that you’re doing something wrong. Sure, we all want to think we can be a stud who lasts hours like, presumably, a male pornstar does, but that’s not the case. Remember, there’s editing involved there, guys.

And to prove to you that your expectations — and, maybe, straight-up anxiety about the issue — are doing more harm than good while in the bedroom, we’ve got some information that could help you relax a little bit. That’s always a good thing while having sex anyway, right?

To help get to the bottom of this whole lasting longer in bed thing, we found some helpful research from LehMiller.com, which ran a couple of surveys to compare how long people want to last in bed and how long people actually last in bed. Take a look at some of the findings and know that you’re probably doing just fine.

Is there a trick to know on how to last longer in bed?

As we mentioned above, there are a variety of ways in which men try to last longer in bed. The most popular, presumably, is trying to take your mind somewhere else and imagine something that isn’t a turn on. Thing is, anyone who has ever tried that knows it doesn’t always work, and, honestly, it takes you away from what’s happening — which should be enjoyable.

Another popular way to help you last longer in bed is booze. Sure, we’ve all had those one-night stands that seem like we’re a stallion because our mind is elsewhere, but, c’mon, be a grown-up already and have sex like you’re supposed to.

There are also some other tips that can help guys with premature ejaculation, but they can take a lot of practice to really refine them. For that reason, there are a few things that can help you last longer in bed.

First, stop worrying. Studies show that sexual anxiety over performance can do more harm than good. Second, stop trying to go so fast. Sure, the girl may be moaning and giving signs that it’s enjoyable, but it’s OK to pull out and slow things down if you’re feeling like things might be coming too fast. The third thing is just accepting it. It can be embarrassing, sure, but girls love when she can get a guy off, so just make sure that, if it happens, you own it and try to please her in other ways after you’re done.

How long do girls typically want to spend having sex?

This is where the research from the LehMiller article comes in handy, because we now know exactly what’s considered “normal” for girls when it comes to the duration of sex.

According to the research, which interviewed 152 heterosexual couples in Canada, girls said that, on average, intercourse lasts for about seven minutes, with foreplay being about 11 minutes. That means that, from start to finish, the entire thing is about 18 minutes.

When the same group of girls were asked what their ideal time for sex would be, they suggested that intercourse would be 14 minutes and foreplay would last 19 minutes, adding up to an entire experience of 33 minutes; which is quite the difference.

Although ladies would love to have a guy last double the amount he does on average, an important factor here is the amount of foreplay girls prefer, which increased by eight minutes. That’s where guys can really leave their mark, making sure that the girl gets off once… twice… or even three times.

Would increased time during sex really make it more enjoyable?

This is a question that, unfortunately, might not be able to be answered. That’s because, shocking, people are different, so some girls would love a guy who can last for hours, while others don’t mind at all. If you’re in the former, it may be hard to get out of your own head, because that may never be you.

The reason people may believe that longer sex is better because places like porn seem to give us this idea that it is. When a guy is pounding a girl in all different positions for 45 minutes, that seems to be the standard that some people live by. That’s unfair, though, to both you and your sexual partner, because, a lot of times, it’s edited and not real.

If you’re really having problems with premature ejaculation, the No. 1 thing to do is focus on foreplay. As I’ve always said, a girl won’t necessarily come back because she liked giving you head, but she will come back (and brag to her friends), when you know how to get her off in various ways without intercourse.

Should I be having more sex to “practice” ways to last longer in bed?

Unfortunately, sex isn’t like riding a bike, where, the more you do it, the better you get. For that reason, it makes no difference if you’re having sex twice each day or twice every year, because it won’t impact your overall performance.

In fact, if you want to last longer in bed, research has shown that people who force themselves into having sex more often hurt their performance, as it begins to feel more like a chore than something natural, per the LehMiller article. That sounds horrible, so you might want to avoid just doing it to do it.

Remember, when it comes to sex and, possibly, know how to last longer in bed, it’s all about quality, not quantity. Finding the right person who’s compatible with you, your style and, regardless of how long you last or how “good” you are, will enjoy it because of the sexual energy and chemistry between you two.

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