Having a crush is usually a challenge in itself. There’s the whole debate of liking someone and whether they like you back. Plus the internal torture of whether you’ll ever actually get together with them. Then to add to this torture, sometimes it turns out that you and your friend both like the same girl. Or worse still, your crush likes your friend rather than you.
Now this has happened to me, I liked a girl, asked her to come to an LGBT night and she then just quizzed me about another friend of ours who she actually had a crush on. Yep, you read that right. I liked her, she liked our mate. Nobody got lucky whatsoever.
So what should you do when the girl you like actually likes your friend? Other than bumping him off to steal her…
1. Don’t tell
Simple enough, if someone tells you something in confidence, you keep their secret. Although it might seem hard to not tell your friend that this girl likes them, it’s the best thing. If the feelings are mutual then your friend and the girl will work it out eventually. But if the girl has told you privately, you should definitely not go and tell anyone else.
Nobody likes a snitch and using knowledge to your advantage isn’t very kind. So when you find out about somebody’s crush, keeping it quiet is always a good approach. Yes, even in the situation where your crush likes your friend.
2. Don’t get involved
Sure you’re already involved kinda because you like her too. There’s no need for you to get more involved than that. If she starts asking you questions about your friend, you can answer honestly. But you may be better off just telling her nicely that you’re the wrong person to ask.
If you like her, then it’s difficult to give her answers without your crush influencing them. You can’t be unbiased if she asks you whether your friend is a good catch. After all, you’ve got your own interests in the picture too. So trying to not get involved will make it simpler.
Of course there’s the question of what to do if you know that your friend also likes her or if he actually likes somebody else. Now that takes us onto point 3.
3. He likes me, she likes me not
All is fair in love and war. Allegedly. Life isn’t fair and love can be fickle at the best of times. It’s near impossible to say exactly who likes who at any given time. But it definitely isn’t your place to start telling secrets.
Even without spilling the beans though, you can be left uncertain. When you like somebody and don’t know whether they like you back or know they like someone else, it can be tough. But instead of getting down about it or scheming to try and fix the situation, get your head right.
Nobody can control anybody else’s feelings. Period. So if you like someone, be the best version of yourself possible. Be polite and friendly but don’t overstep the boundary. If you feel awkward and think it would be better to exit yourself from the situation, you can do so.
But if you start playing games or trying to meddle with things, it can get more tricky. Rather than getting better or achieving any kind of decision that you might like.
4. Distraction
When things don’t quite go our way in love, it’s easy to wallow in despair. It can feel unfair that your crush likes your friend – we’ve all heard it before. Word of caution to the wise, it isn’t necessarily unfair but it can feel rotten. However we can’t control how people feel or sometimes, how we feel ourselves.
Distract yourself from the situation by trying not to focus on it. Instead of dwelling on it and thinking about all the possible ways you might rescue the situation, find distractions. You know that she doesn’t like you back and whether your friend is interested in her or not, right now it’s a no deal.
Make an effort to stop thinking about her and consider other possibilities. If there’s a girl you also like who you may have a shot with, you can put your efforts into wooing her. Or even if there isn’t somebody today that you like, there’s always tomorrow.
It might be that there’s someone that is into you and you don’t even realise it. Or maybe you start seeing someone casually who you’d like to pursue a relationship with.
5. Spend time with other friends
If your crush likes your friend and they get together, it’s natural that you might not want to hang out with them as much. Spending time with other friends is always a good thing as you get to widen your social network.
When two of your friends start dating, you might want to give them space. It’s fair to say that playing the third wheel isn’t always fun. So being honest with yourself and fair to all of you is a good way to go forward.
If ordinarily you’d hang out with your friend a lot, just say to him openly that you want him to enjoy time with his new girlfriend without being the intruder. If you’re good mates and can talk, then this shouldn’t be a problem. But if you feel awkward saying that, you can always just excuse yourself by saying you have plans and will meet them another time.
It’s never a bad idea to make new friends either. So you can see this as an opportunity to connect better with acquaintances or join new social groups to meet more people.
6. Keeping your friend
Whatever happens, you don’t want to lose your friend over a crush. So if you find it awkward, try and keep things in perspective. The two of you were friends before you ever met the crush and should stay friends regardless of who dates who.
If he’s dating her, you can suggest spending time with him where it’s just the two of you. If you have a shared interest which is more suited for lads, suggest hanging out without girlfriends around. There’s no need to be weird about it and he’ll appreciate having a mate to hang out with when it’s good and if things ever get rocky with his new girlfriend.
Plus you can always try double dates when you meet someone yourself. Or maybe your crush has a friend she could introduce you to. Being smart in the dating game will help.
Moving forward when your crush likes your friend
Things can get messy, especially if your friend and your crush do get involved together. Afterall, this raises all kinds of questions about whether you could date your friend’s ex girlfriend or even if they don’t date, should you see someone your buddy has already slept with?
If they do date and then break up, it might be that you still have a chance to date her in the future. But regardless of what happens, it can often be easier to keep things simple.
If you and a friend both like the same girl, you can step out. Nobody would think any less of you for it and it can save yourself a lot of hassle. But so long as you play by the book and follow the bro codes you prefer, you’re free to mingle. We hope it’s a bit clearer now what to do when your crush likes your friend rather than you. Let us know in the comments if we helped at least a bit.